


Shades of Grey

by LadyofAvalon



Series: The Legend of the Fox [3]
Category: Provost's Dog - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 13:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 39,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofAvalon/pseuds/LadyofAvalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after returning from Scanra, things have changed for Jarred. He is no longer the Dogs' golden boy, but the outcast. As he struggles to find his place in his changing world, can he push through this to save the people he loves the most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Irrelevant

From the journal of Jarred Cooper

September 7, 267 H.E.

Before Watch

It has been about two and a half (almost three, actually) months since I finished my last journal. In that time, I've come to realize not only how calming it is to write the whole, or at least most, of my day down on paper, but it does help me remember things better, too. It's beyond me why I can be the least bit scatterbrained (or forgetful) about anything, much less details, with the parents I have. When she has time (and she does now), Ma is meticulously neat and never forgetful about anything, but Rosto, on the other hand, is worse than she is. He's finicky and obsessive about things at times. I really (really) don't know how Ma managed to live with him sometimes. Maybe it wasn't so bad back then, though. I suppose it's not really relevant…

And it is not my point. The point is, I got in trouble with Tay last night when he told me to recite something I was supposed to memorize about a cove we were looking for and I couldn't remember part of it. So, it became necessary for me to get myself another journal. And I like keeping a journal besides.

There are a number things that have changed in the last few months. For one, Piper isn't even fully grown, and she's already getting even bigger. She kicked me out of bed this morning because she takes up the whole bed to make it all worse. It's been happening repeatedly this week, too. And it's my bed, too, so I should be the one sleeping in it. Not my dog, who takes up more room than a normal animal should…

Of course, when I tried to argue that point with Piper, she'd bark and yip and look at me like _I'm_ the silly one. _Piper be big. Real big. Gotta hunt big animals. Weiryn say so. Ask him._ Which, of course, means nothing to me – as if I could ask a god of the hunt about my dog (who just might be a constellation)! And the only other constellation in the house won't tell me how big Piper will be. Because Pounce was too dignified to ever do something so low as pay attention to a _dog_ constellation. Joy. But at least Piper likes me. Though, I think that's only because I feed her regularly.

The whispers in the City, which I heard from time to time the first few weeks after we got back, have gotten worse. Everyone is gossiping about me, Ma, and Rosto. I think we confuse them. I mean, people had an inkling that I was probably an unusual child. And people like Bold Brian even guessed I was the Piper's son, but most people really couldn't believe that Ma would have done _that_ willingly with the Rogue. And now that they've seen us all together, seen Ma and him together, seen me standing near him, they _know_ that Ma and Rosto did _that,_ and that I was the result. And of course, everyone has to ask me about THEIR relationship. Grrrr.

Every once in a while (usually at least when I'm on Watch) I'll listen to people around me, and then I'll hear my name, or Rosto's, or Ma's. The part that annoys me is that when people realize I've heard them, they just quiet down and stare at me. It's really very obnoxious. And some of the Dogs and Puppies of Evening Watch – of all of the Watches, come to think of it – won't talk to me anymore. Or Ma. They won't talk to her either, but she doesn't care. Well, they'll talk to her when she's in her gear, 'cause she's too well known and too good a Dog to be ignored. But me, I thought that maybe I would get some residual deference as I'm her son.

Nope, none doing. Most people look at me and don't know whether to treat me as Ma's _child_ or Rosto's spawn. I'm not really anyone's _son_ , just something that exists and thus not worth really talking to or listening to, and that bothers me. I don't like it. Sometimes I think to ask for help or advice from another Dog and they just look at me like I'm a puppy who piddled on the floor. One Dog on Day Watch even called me The Runt. And then proceeded to say that the Runt was the weakest pup in the litter and most likely to turn traitor. And me, I soon won't be a Puppy anymore. I'll be a Dog in my own right.

And then there's MA. She doesn't help it at all. She doesn't mind the talk as much as I do because she's shyer than I am, and she's got her own group of friends that she's had for years, and they still talk to her. But me, I find it irritating, because sometimes I need to talk to one of them because of something on Watch, and they won't respond or anything. Really, I find it immature, irritating, and rude. Most of the time, I've come to ignore it, but it's still stupid. And sometimes, it's even harder to ignore all of it because of how loud and pushy some people are.

But, Tay has forgiven me (not that I really had anything to do with who my parents are) for not telling him (and I couldn't have, even if I wanted to, because _I_ didn't know) that Rosto is my father. He and Rinny have been nice to me since this whole thing has come up, and they don't treat me any differently, because I'm still the same person I was before Scanra, only I know a bit more now. It's really just folk who don't know me who treat me differently than before. Elaine and Robbie still treat me the same, too. I'm still just their friend, as it's always been, and not suddenly 'the Rogue's whelp' or anything. _Whelp, as though I was this half-breed who shouldn't exist. And what really irked me was that, in most people's opinion, I shouldn't exist._

Worse than the people who stare at me and glare, are those who laugh and point and jest. Bold Brian, it seems, had been right, so he's about as smug as is possible to be, and his lads (though not him directly) will sing all those songs about The Piper and The Terrier that they know, and make up songs about me, their poor Pup who has no idea which parent he belongs to and that they can't tell if I'm a Rat or Dog or a Cat or a Bird (That one song never made sense much to me, but it still bothers me because I know I'm a Dog). Naturally, everyone has some idea about what happened in Scanra, though no one is right. You should hear the songs, they're ridiculous!

I've tried to spend more time with Elaine and Robbie recently, too, because I didn't get a chance to before I went to Scanra. I mean, I wasn't any busier with Puppy stuff than Elaine was, other than that big trip, but I had other things to do with all of the extra stuff with our case and helping Ma and so on.

Then again, it is pretty unusual for a Puppy like me to be gone for two months on a case. And on top of that, all that happened before that all seems like a rush to me at this point. Things are certainly different now, though. It does make a difference…

Ma isn't nearly as busy as she was before, though. The Day Watch Dog who was helping Goodwin out before has taken over most of the jobs she did before. Ma stays around the Dove a lot more these days. I'm starting to wonder if she was always gone because she didn't want to think about Rosto and his inn made that a lot harder for her…And he's been really busy, too, with all sorts of Rogue matters. Rosto's gotten much better since we got back, actually. He's put on some weight (most of which seems to be muscle—mostly in his legs—as he's been practicing with Aniki out back a lot) and his skin tone is more normal, for example. I mean, he's pale, but not acos he's ill, he's pale because he chooses to be. But he ain't sallow looking. And the dark circles are almost gone.

Either way, I don't see him all that much. Most of the time, he and Ma are off somewhere, like upstairs or something. And it's usually when I'm looking for one of them (which is very rarely Rosto, and more than likely Ma). It's sort of annoying, because I can never find one of them when I need them. Just last weekend, they went on a huge long horse-back ride out into the King's Forest and then came back just afore Court.

Rosto's trying to bring back that old control. I think it's why he's so insistent on keeping things neat as a pin. But, he doesn't know what to do with me. He can't control me because I'm not really part of that old picture he had about his life. But once in a while, I'll see him try to talk to me, and he'll look like he did in that cell, but then he'll shake his head and ask me if I've seen Aniki or Ma.

Other times he'll be talking to me and Ma, like yesterday over breakfast, and I'll see he wants to pull the "You'll do as I say, 'cuz I'm your Da" routine, but then Ma will touch him on the arm and he'll swallow the words and he'll just say, "I'd appreciate it if you do as I say, but you're a lad grown and can do as you like." It bothers me, because I want him to either own up to the fact that he's my da, act like one, or stop calling me "Beka's Son" and trying to control me as the Rogue does (and he ain't even the Rogue). Then there's the trying to be my friend, which I think we've both given up on. I'm just waiting for the fight between us to blow over. It'll probably shake the Dove down into the ground and all the way up the street until Palace Way. Probably.

Rosto hasn't taken back the throne in the Court of the Rogue, yet, but he's heavily involved in it again, helping Aniki and getting reacquainted with the Court that's changed over the last nearly twenty years. Both he and Aniki are part of the Happy Bag negotiations, and whatever else is going on. I try to stay out of it, since I'm Rosto's son, after all, and people will think that I can pull strings in the Rogue, which I can't. But he always knows what's going on, though. He's just not fully the Rogue.

It's bloody confusing to try to explain the whole thing (and I've tried), and the last thing I need right now is a headache. I honestly don't like the Court of the Rogue all that much at this point. It was a little different before, but I really don't care. I try to avoid it as much as I possibly can, which is rather difficult, since I live in the Dancing Dove, and all…

Not that I like that all that much anymore, either. The only good parts are seeing Ma and Aniki, and Corcoran's cooking. Rosto and I haven't been getting along lately. At least once a day, we somehow manage to get into some sort of stupid little argument. It's annoying, really. Like this morning for example. I was going to go with Ma and help her with the errands she was going to run, and Rosto decided that since he wasn't doing anything, he wanted to go instead, so we got into an argument about it. And he won, Mithros curse him. Okay, I don't actually _want_ to curse him as he does love Ma. And he tries to like me.

For the longest time, I was the man of the family, and now he's just taking over! He was gone for eighteen bloody years, and in two and a half sarden months, Rosto has usurped my position, and he hogs all of Ma's time! I understand that he missed her, but he's still got to share! I don't think he's very good at that. Actually, I'm not sure he understands the concept of sharing, particularly when it comes to Ma. He seems very possessive, and it's even more bloody annoying, as I don't think Ma even really notices. That ain't her fault, but still…

And I sound like a whiny two-year-old. Great. It's just so frustrating, though that's not an excuse. I don't really like these chances. Until a couple of months ago, I was the center of her life. Now, I'm not nearly as much, though she does make an effort to spend time with me. It's just that Rosto takes up most of her free time at this point.

I really need to stop complaining about Rosto, but that in itself is hard – I get so frustrated, and I can't even vent. If I did, I'd either get in trouble, or be told to shut my mouth and sit down or something. And it's like they have ears everywhere, because when I start talking to Piper about it, someone's looking for me.

So, I got stuck staying home instead of spending time with Ma. But, on a happier note, I had lunch with Elaine and Robbie today. It was great – we headed over to the Singing Cat, which is another inn and tavern that's over in Patten District. It used to be something else, but the owner died, and his family sold the inn and left Corus. We talked and had fun, goofed off a bit, really.

Robbie has started working for a carpenter, it turns out. He was apprenticed to a blacksmith for a while, but that, well, didn't work out too well. I think it has something to do with his sister not wanting to marry the blacksmith's son, and it just went downhill from there. And it turned out that that particular blacksmith held a grudge and Robbie had to find a whole new line of work. He's mostly happy, though.

Elaine has been busier than usual lately – she's staying with her cousin, who is expecting a baby while her husband is away and has needed Elaine's help with the other little one in the house. So, Rob and I really got lucky that we could get her away for a couple of hours before her cousin needed her again before baton practice, which is the next time that she'll actually leave her cousin alone for a while, when she doesn't really have a choice unless she wants to take a leave.

It was actually quite a bit of fun to just spend time with them and have lunch together, and to joke around. Even when I'm not busy, I don't get to do that all that often. It's sort of hard to find sometime when all three of us are free, and it really makes me miss Kalir and Lily even more now. They've only been gone a few months, but it seems like ages since I saw them. It's rather sad, really. Ria's always tired, too, so she never comes if all of us get together, and it's just too quiet around the Lower City these days…

I don't know why, but I get this feeling that something's going to start happening. Something bad. Nothing's come up on the pigeons that have come to me (I still hate those bloody birds) and none of the dust spinners Ma has me check have much other than gossip. It's just too quiet. I don't like this. Not at all, and Ma always told me to trust my instincts when it came to Dog work. She said that it was the best way, and I think Rosto's mentioned something along those lines, too…not that I'm going to take advice from him. He _did_ spend most of my life in a cell in Scanra, after all. That isn't what I'd call great instinct, if he couldn't tell he was going to get jumped…

So, I'm not really sure if I want to take Rosto's word for it, but Ma, on the other hand, is a different story. I've never gotten bad advice from her, either, if I think about it.

I suppose I'd best get going now, so that Goodwin doesn't try to murder me for being late again…

After Watch

I am so tired. I'm going to go kick my dog off of my bed and go to sleep now. I'll write what happened in the morning. If I tried now, I'd fall asleep. And my eyes are stinging. I hate it when my eyes sting.


	2. Saul

September 8, 267

Before Watch

Rosto is such a pain. I can think of a million things and names I could call him. But, I'm going to attempt to not only be somewhat mature (like I'm supposed to be), but restrain myself, as well.

So, today started out as usual – I was not even barely awake when suddenly, I fell out of my bed. Actually, I was pushed out. Again. That is about the fifth time in the past week. And now my back is sore from the nice _smack_ I made when I hit the floor. Add that to what happened last night...well, it ain't really pleasant.

The first few minutes (actually, it was almost an hour) were somewhat quiet and as easy as possible. Rinny, Tay, and I had Nightmarket duty last night, and that was about when we got there. Piper was on her leash, tugging ahead. I swear, one of these days, she's going to see a cat or something and drag me into the Olorun…

We weren't even halfway through when someone ran into me (and it really was an accident, for once). It was one of Rosto's foists. I say that because he has taken over that part again – Aniki put him in charge of the foists and the finances of the Rogue as soon as she was able. Aniki really doesn't care for figures, and apparently, he's rather good with them, so she was more than pleased not to have to do them.

He slammed into me and I barely kept my balance. He staggered back a little and paled when he recognized me. He glanced over his shoulder at another pair of Dogs, who were pushing through the crowd with angry looks on their faces and one of whom had a fresh knife slash across his forehead, and sprinted off. I barely heard Tay yell "Puppy, Fetch!" (though, I was about to go after him myself anyway) because Piper let out a loud bark.

We raced after him, pushing through the crowd and weaving around after him as best we could. He led me through half the City, taking back alleys and turning as often as he could. It seems that everyone in the Court of the Rogue seems to know that I tend to run into things if I try to make a sharp turn, which is absurd to begin with. I had him once, but then one of the other foists tackled me and bolted while I was trying to scramble up.

I was not pleased, to say the very least. It only took me a moment to locate my prey in the crowd. He was headed toward the Cesspool and pushing folk out of the way – not the smartest thing when you're running from a Dog, that's for sure.

By this point, I'd already unclipped Piper's leash, and she was ahead of me. She was almost on him by the time he took another sharp turn and raced into a building. Jinglenob. Piper and I followed him as fast as we could. He raced up the stairs, at which point I figured out what he was planning. Unfortunately, even with Piper, who had fallen back a little, there wasn't a way in the world I was going to be able to head him off before he got to the rooftops.

And this was a three-story building, too. Most of the ones in this particular street were, actually. By the time I got to the top, he'd picked the lock to one of the apartments and had just opened the door. Thank Mithros the apartment was empty. The only problem was that this one had a balcony, and the foist managed to haul himself up onto the roof before I could get there to stop him.

I followed only half a moment behind him. Piper barked repeatedly as I hauled myself onto the roof before she turned and raced out of the apartment. On the rooftops, it was easier said than done to actually catch him. Some – most – of the rooftops were angled, and a very small number of them were flat. The slanted roofs are much, much harder to stay balanced on. I almost fell off more than once.

When I finally did catch him, it was on a slanted roof (of course), and that was because he tripped. But, instead of trying to grab the rooftop to stay on, he grabbed my ankle, which made me fall, whack my ribs on the peak of the roof, and slide after him. The only reason both of us didn't end up squished like bugs on the ground was because somehow or other, I managed to get a grip on the edge of the roof. It jerked my shoulders, and felt like it very nearly dislocated one of both of them. It hurt even more when the cove I had been chasing stopped falling – and rather miraculously for him, he'd managed to keep his grip on my ankle.

So, we were hanging from the a three-story building. And there were no balconies anywhere close. I looked down at him with an angry expression.

"Excellent job, ducknob. That's something I'd expect from Bold Brian when he's drunk, not some expert foist," I growled at him.

"That weren't too bright yerself, Pup," he responded.

"It was your idea, stupid," I retorted caustically. "And it wasn't the best you could have come up with, at that," I added.

"Shut yer gob!" he growled. I glared downward.

"I will remind you that I can let go, and you are on the bottom in this case. And, I'm heavy. So, either way, if you keep that up, it's a lose-lose situation for you," I reminded him. He grumbled a little, but didn't really say anything more.

It took me a few minutes after that, but I managed to get my whistle to a place where I could blow on it. That was a little hard to do, all things considered. I don't usually like whistles, because usually it means a brawl is in progress (or something like that) and there's a team of Dogs that needs backup. But, this time, I loved my whistle.

A few more tense moments passed before there were any signs of a response. By then, the combined weight of myself and the foist was making it extremely hard to keep a hold on the edge of the roof.

"How did you get yourself into this situation, lad?" a familiar voice asked from the ground. I glanced down to see Rosto, of all people, standing there and looking up at me.

"Well, _Rosto,_ " I paused, emphasizing his name. "Your dimwit of a foist tried to get himself – and me – killed falling off of this rooftop," I told him.

"I am not a dimwit!" the foist protested.

"Yeah? Prove it! We're hanging three stories up because you knocked both of us off the roof," I reminded him. "And, your boss is standing there to witness said failure," I pointed out. Rosto chuckled.

"I'm also your da', Pup," Rosto said. I let out a very annoyed and frustrated-sounding noise.

"Stop saying that!" I shouted at him. Rosto raised an eyebrow as he looked at me.

"That ain't very respectful of your da', lad," he said calmly.

"I'm sort of in a situation here, Rosto," I told him. "And unless you're going to help, I'm really not in a mood for this." Rosto watched me for a moment, as best he could when I was hanging three stories up.

"Have it your way, then," he said. He sauntered off without another word.

"You are the most unhelpful cove I have ever met!" I shouted. There was no response. I sighed. I was very annoyed with my father, to say the least. And that was only the beginning of my night, too.

It was another several long moments before I heard claws against cobblestones and Tay and Rinny showed up, Piper loping along ahead of them. Tay took one look at the predicament I had gotten myself into and laughed.

"You and me have this thing about roofs, don't we, Jarred?" he asked. I made a noise of disgust.

"I must have picked that habit up from you," I said short-temperedly a moment later. He chuckled and shook his head.

"That may very well be," he agreed.

"Are you going to help me down or what?" I demanded. "I can't hold on much longer." The foist groaned.

"Rosto's going to skin me," he muttered. I rolled my eyes. Of course he was. Rosto wasn't usually very happy when his foists managed to get caught by the Dogs, much less Rosto's own son.

"You would have done so much better if you'd fallen off somewhere where there were balconies," Rinny piped up.

"I couldn't agree more," I told them. "Now help me get down! I'm going to fall off in a minute!" They all started laughing at that. I was not pleased. At all.

Eventually, I got down, and the foist was carted off to the Kennel. But, by that time, I was already in a foul mood. I would blame it on Rosto, but it's not his fault. Well, not fully – he still could have helped me. We made it to the end of the Nightmarket without too many more problems. Between the three of us, we caught another two foists, five rushers who attempted to jump some lordling, three pickpockets, and a gambler that was cheating people out of their coin.

I swear, I almost caught Ria stealing, too. She was standing at one of the jewelers stall, and looked like she was a little too interested in a few of the nicer silver pieces, and maybe a couple of the gold ones.

"Hello there," I said, putting my hand on the counter and leaning against it. Ria jumped and gave me a startled look.

"Hello, Jarred," she replied. Her surprise faded into a mask of calm, but she still seemed a little ruffled.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked. My tone was probably enough to tell her that I had seen her as she was planning something. There was a long pause as she looked at me. I could see wheels turning in her head.

"No, there's nothing wrong," she said. "I was just admiring the workmanship. Good night, Jarred." With that, she walked off into the crowd and disappeared.

I walked back over to Rinny and Tay, who were talking to a merchant friend of theirs, who had just gotten into the City. It wasn't really particularly interesting in any regard. They mostly just chatted about this and that. When they were done, we walked on, and got back to work. It was about the average load for the next two hours. Watch was mostly over at that point. But, of course, that was when a pair of Senior Dogs came racing past.

"There's another blasted riot in the Cesspool!" one of them shouted at Tay as he sprinted past. "Someone got a crowd all riled up," he added before he was gone. Tay bolted after them without a word. Rinny and I were on his heels in an instant.

Riots keep cropping up. This is the third one in the last two weeks, and they've been causing more and more injuries and casualties among the Dogs, and the folk involved in the riots. I hate riots.

It was already more than chaotic by the time we got there. There were at least a dozen and a half Dogs there already. And, by the look of it, them being there wasn't helping that much. The riot was a tangle of Rats, Dogs, folk from the Lower City, and a mismatched group of others scattered throughout. Ma and Kayly came running up just behind us a moment later.

"Oh, Mithros, not again!" Ma exclaimed when she saw the mess.

"Tired, Ma?" I asked. She gave me an irritated look.

"No, lad," she told me. "But, I was chasing a Rat and got interrupted." I shook my head.

"Such a pity," I teased. "But, there'll be more Rats for you to catch, Ma." She shook her head at me, and gave me a quick squeeze of a hug (which I returned) before she disappeared into the chaos. I followed, only a second behind, my baton in hand. By then, it had become a brawl, plain and simple. It had dissolved into utter chaos.

Just moments later, Rats – rushers far from their districts – started pushing through the of the folk from the Lower City who had been involved spooked at that point, racing in every other direction as fast as they could.

We ended up trapped in a circle. There were a few scattered Rats, and a couple of others, but it was mostly Dogs that were being pushed to the center. It was a set-up. It couldn't have been anything else.

I was just waiting for them to attack when something heavy collided with me from the side, just beyond the edge of my vision. I went toppling to the side as whatever whoever it was jumped back up.

It was a young cove, a few years older than me, who was a good three and a half inches taller than me. He was dressed like a merchant, and had black hair and spring green eyes. He started to throw himself at the rusher who had tossed him into me. I recognized him almost instantly.

"Saul, you idiot, don't do that!" I yelled at him over the noise, grabbing his collar and jerking him back. "That is no way to attack a rusher like that, and you know it," I told him. He looked confused and startled for a moment.

"Jarred?" he asked.

"The one and only," I replied. I bashed one of the rushers on the back of the head with my baton when he attempted to punch me. Saul stared at me for a minute. "Don't just stand there – hit him!" I told him. There was a rusher that was about to do just that to him from behind. Saul whirled and punched the rusher, who hit the ground seconds later.

The chaos continued for a long time, and actually got worse as it went on. The Dogs – and the rag-tag bunch that was with us – were fighting for our lives. I don't exactly know why those rushers attacked us, but I just know it was planned – it was easy enough to tell, since they pushed in from the outside of the riot right when there were about two dozen Dogs there.

Ten minutes latter, we were still trying to end the brawl, and it wasn't working. I heard Rinny yelp and whirled, having just managed to get rid of my last opponent.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, and pain was radiating from my collarbone on my left. There was another rusher standing over me, and for some absurd reason, he had a club. I kicked him in the shin, which gave Saul a chance to knock the rusher out. He helped me to my feet with my good hand, and I ducked a couple of rushers' punches and knocked them out with nap-taps if I could get them before they went in the other direction. Somehow, I managed to get out of the brawl without getting hit too many more times.

Half a minute later, Ma staggered out after me, holding her side. Blood flowed from a wound there and another on her arm. I leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, gasping when it shot a bolt of pain down the whole of my body from my left side. My knees almost gave out under me, and I had to put my other arm on the wall to keep myself up. I panted, trying to catch my breath as the pain faded to a heated throb instead of a blistering spike. I could feel a black eye forming around my right eye, where I'd gotten hit. Blood tricked down next to that eye from the split eyebrow that had come from the same punch. What is it with me and injuries this year?

"Rosto is not going to be pleased with you," I told Ma. She gave me a pointed look. "What? He hates it when you get hurt," I reminded her.

"I know," she sighed. "He always was like that. And what have you got to say for yourself?" she asked. "You're bleeding, and you've managed to break something else." I shrugged, and winced.

"It was an accident – a Rat got me from behind," I told her. "And it ain't like Rosto's going to throw a fit over me, anyway." Me frowned worriedly at me, raising the hand that wasn't pressed against the cut on her side and touched it to my cheek. Her eyes stared straight into mine.

"Rosto cares about you just as much as I do, Jarred," she said quietly. "He just doesn't know how to say it. Things were different before he disappeared. Rosto is confused, because – for once in his life – he doesn't know what to do. He loves you, Jarred, but he doesn't know how to be a father to you." There was a long pause before I sighed and nodded. She knew the two of us better than anyone else did, after all.

It was about that point when I realized that I'd lost track of Piper in the mess. She'd been jumping on rushers about the time Saul had gotten thrown into me. Suddenly, I heard her yip and both me and Ma glanced around.

When I saw her, I gasped, and Ma echoed it a half-second later. Piper was dragging Ersken out of the brawl – he was unconscious, and he had a small trickle of blood running down his face. There was also a knife hilt embedded in his shoulder. Piper was pulling him by the neck of his tunic.

Ma and I exchanged glances, but neither of us could do anything. Ma had that wound in her side that was seeping blood, and I couldn't even use my left arm, not to mention, it hurt more than when I broke my wrist in the spring.

It was a rather amazing occurrence that none of the remaining rushers noticed me, Ma, or Piper dragging Ersken out. Thankfully, the brawl was over a few minutes later. By then, Piper had joined us, and Ma had checked to make sure that Ersken was still alive. He was. I was just glad that it was over.

The rushers who were still aware and able to do so scattered. Tay appeared a few minutes later, helping Rinny limp towards the Kennel. Tay himself had a plainly broken arm, a split lip, two black eyes, a cut on his face, and a sprained ankle, judging by the way he was limping, though it was less pronounced than Rinny. One of her legs was broken, and there was blood streaming from her nose, which also looked like it had been broken.

"You all right, lad?" Tay called. I winced, but nodded, which only made me wince again.

"Mostly. I managed to break my collarbone, though," I said, using my right hand to indicate my other side. Tay sighed.

"Come on," he said. "We need to get back to the Kennel. See if you can help get Westover there," he added. I considered that for a moment, then looked at Ma. She shook her head. Kayly and Birch both managed to stagger over a few moments later. Kayly almost fell over before she steadied herself against the wall Ma and I were both using to keep ourselves up. She looked somewhat dazed, but mostly all right, other than a few small cuts, and a few bruises that were forming on her skin.

"Need any help?" she asked. Birch was rubbing the small of his back like it hurt while she spoke.

"Ersken's out cold," Ma replied. "We need to get him back to the Kennel, but Jarred can't help me, and I don't think I'd be able to with my side as it is," she admitted. Kayly nodded.

"Me an' Birch can get him," she said. They leaned over to haul Ersken off the ground, careful not to jar him too much and make the knife wound in his shoulder any worse. Ma and I trudged after them, and I groaned when I realized that we had to trek across half the district to get back to the Kennel.

A moment later, Saul came loping up from behind us. Piper stopped and peered at him suspiciously with her bronze eyes. I paused to look, and Ma came to a stand-still next to me. Saul extended his hand for Piper to sniff. She sniffed it for a moment, then took a step back, nearly knocking a passerby over.

 _Smell bad,_ Piper whimpered. I reached out and ran my hand over her head and stopped to scratch her behind one ear.

"It's all right, Piper," I told her. "Saul's a friend." Saul raised his eyebrow at me.

"You're talking to a dog now?" he asked. I frowned at him and nodded.

"Yes. Is that a problem?" I replied. He shrugged.

"I dunno. It's weird, though," he said. "But, I'm not going to stop you from doing it if you like it," he added, thrusting his hands in his pockets and walking on. I exchanged glances with Ma. Well, he did have a bit of a point. Most folk don't talk to their dogs like that. But, I don't have a normal dog, anyway. Piper seemed to roll her own eyes at his comment, which made me and Ma chuckle.

Saul followed us to the Kennel, though he was quiet after that, and he left just before we got there. I will admit that I was very annoyed on the way back – the pain from the break was starting to blaze by the time we weren't even halfway back, and by the time we did get there, I felt like my whole shoulder was on fire.

The first thing I saw when I entered the Kennel was that Rosto was standing next to Goodwin's desk and he looked worried. I groaned. That's just what I wanted to see at the Kennel.

As soon as Ma had come inside, Rosto's head snapped up and their eyes met. His dropped to where her hand was pressed against the wound in her side, then he met her eyes again. There was a worry and knowing on his face. He knew she'd gotten herself injured again. I ignored him as he walked over to Ma to see if she was okay. Instead, I walked over to where the Kennel's healers were gathered. One of them was free (amazingly), and took me in hand.

I don't like breaking things. I need to avoid that in the future – the healer had to set the bone and keep it in place before doing the actual healing. That hurt. To be more correct, it was agonizing, and I yelped when she set it. Usually, I'm pretty good about healings, being raised by Ma and all, but I couldn't help it.

That got Ma and Rosto's attention. They both looked at me, and Rosto pulled Ma in the general direction to have a healer see to her. When he was sure that she was in capable hands, he sauntered over to me with his arms crossed over his chest. He gave me the kind of look that only he could.

"What did you do this time, lad?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and glared at him. It was as if he was treating me like a child who had done something wrong. I'm not a child – I'll be eighteen in two weeks. And he doesn't have the right to treat me like that, anyway. He was gone for most of my life, anyway.

"Rat got me from behind," I growled. "Whacked me with a club." Rosto sighed.

"I thought you knew how to duck," he said.

"I do, but not even you can see everything, now can you?" I snapped. He gave me a surprised look.

"There's no need to snap, Jarred," he muttered. He turned away and walked back over to Ma. She gave him a slightly reprimanding look.

"You shouldn't talk to Jarred like that, Rosto," she said quietly. He sighed and walked away. He ended up talking to Tunstall, who hadn't been at the riot, as he and Goodwin had been coming in from the other end of the district when it had started, and they hadn't heard about it until it was too late.

By the time they let me and Ma go, it was a good hour into Night Watch – we'd come in on the tail end of our watch, it turned out, and it took a while for the healer to fix my collarbone. Piper waited ever patiently at my feet while that was going on.

We headed back to the Dove after that. Ma and Rosto walked ahead of me, and Ma leaned on Rosto a bit – I could tell that she was completely exhausted. I was, too, for that matter. And I was hungry, too. Because of the riot, I hadn't gotten dinner. And I'd told the healer to leave the black eye so that she could see to someone else who needed it more than I did. It'll heal in a few days, anyway, and the split in my eyebrow had been healed.

When we walked in, the Court of the Rogue had disbanded for the night, and Aniki was sitting at the counter, talking to Phelan and Corcoran. I was too tired to care, at that point. I begged some of the night's leftovers from Corcoran and headed upstairs with them. I managed to eat most of it before I was really too tired to care.

I managed to sleep until about two today, on top of that. I'm still annoyed with Rosto, though. And I should probably head downstairs if I want something to eat before baton practice…


	3. Wavering Perspective

September 9, 267

Before Watch

You know, I sort of feel bad now.

I'm starting to wonder exactly why Rosto and I can't get along, too. This morning, Piper knocked me out of bed again. I'm really getting tired of being kicked out of my own bed. It's _mine_ , after all, and not my dog's. I should be the one kicking her out. But _no._ It's always ' _Jarred silly. Piper need sleep, too. Jarred likes floor, right? Jarred on floor a lot, so Piper should have bed!'_ And it isn't even my fault that I end up on the ground a lot. Most of the time, it's not, at least. I did trip down the stairs last night before watch.

So, I had to get up when Piper knocked me out of bed because she wouldn't let me get back in it due to the fact that she was taking up the whole bloody thing. So, I got up and put on a tan breeches, a green shirt, and my brown jerkin. Then, I couldn't find my boots. I stopped and looked at Piper. She wagged her tail at me, looking somewhat guilty. I rolled my eyes.

"All right, what happened to my boots?" I asked her.

 _They under bed now,_ Piper yipped. That was right where I didn't want them, because it's rather difficult to get them out when they end up under there. I sighed and shook my head at her.

"Why are they under my bed, Piper?" I asked.

 _Piper no know. Why they under bed?_ she yipped back. I stared at her for a moment.

"You are the most frustrating dog in the whole world," I told her. Piper let out a whistle-yip and wagged her tail.

 _Piper not dog. Piper star-picture. Piper supposed to be like that. Star-pictures meddle in family like this, like Cat-Cat and Piper_ , she told me. I stopped and gawked at her, a deep frown forming on my face. Honestly, the last thing _my_ family needs is to be meddled with now. We're already having enough trouble on our own. When it was me and Ma, it wasn't such a problem, but now… Well, now is different.

It took me a few minutes to get my boots out from under my bed. I was on my stomach and about half-under my bed when I heard the door open.

"Jarred, why are you under the bed?" It was Ma, and she sounded like she was confused. I pushed myself out and propped myself up to look at her.

"Piper somehow stuck my boots under my bed, and I'm trying to get them out," I told her. She frowned and I shrugged, turning back to what I had been doing. The sound of more footsteps reached my ears a moment later. I had almost gotten the second boot when Rosto spoke up.

"What in the world are you doing, son?" he asked. I shifted a little, and whacked my head on the bottom of my bed.

"Ouch!" I yelped. It took me a minute to get myself out again, but I had both of my boots, so I had accomplished my task. I turned and gave him a look of annoyance while I rubbed the back of my head.

"I was getting my boots out from under my bed," I replied. "Piper here decided that they belonged under there for some reason." Rosto regarded me with veiled amusement for a moment.

"I suppose that's another reason your mother has a cat," he said. I rolled my eyes at him and pulled on my boots before I went searching for my belt-knife, which had gotten knocked off the table next to my bed when I'd gotten knocked out of bed. It wasn't too hard to find – it was between my bed and the table. Once that was found, I got to my feet and brushed myself off. I glanced over my shoulder to see that Ma and Rosto were still standing there.

"Uh, what?" I was very confused as I looked at them. Ma had this sort of misty look in her eyes and Rosto… well, he was sort of far off, too. Rosto had his arm wrapped around Ma and she was leaning into him. I sighed to myself and went in search of something else just so I didn't have to look at it. When I glanced back at them, they were looking at each other with mushy looks on their faces. I rolled my eyes and went back to rummaging around in my desk for nothing in particular. I don't like it when they look at each other like that. It gets on my nerves because it just reminds me that I've become an outsider in my own family…

The next time I looked up at them, they were kissing. Talk about annoying. They seem to do that almost constantly. Or, at least, multiple times a day when I'm looking. It's quite irritating, really, and I don't think they have any idea that it's like that. So, I did my best Anjier impression.

" _Eww!_ Do you really _have_ to do _that?_ " I asked. Rosto pulled away and gave me a surprised look. Ma had a weird look on her face, too. "Sorry, but doing that in my doorway is actually vaguely disturbing," I told them. Rosto rolled his eyes at me.

"Get used to it, lad," Rosto said. I shook my head.

"It's been two months. I think I'm as used to it as I can get. It's a bit irritating that you keep doing that," I replied. Rosto sighed. There was silence for a moment as I started pulling things out of the drawer I had been going through. Now I couldn't find the report I'd written up a few days ago. That was not good.

"Jarred, do you think you could help me with something later?" Rosto asked. I glanced up at him.

"No. I've got errands to run for myself and Corcoran, and I'm going to have lunch with my friends Saul and Gavin. I haven't seen them in five years, and we have some catching up to do," I told him. Rosto looked a little more surprised then I would have thought.

"Well, what about tomo-"

"No. I'm going to the lake with Elaine and probably Robbie tomorrow. We're going to try to invite the Westovers and Robbie's sister, and we'll probably be gone all day. Well, at least until me and Elaine have to come back into the City to get ready for baton practice," I said. There was silence in the room for another moment while I went back to looking for my report. Ma was giving me one of those looks that said she was disappointed in me when I looked back up. I shrank beneath her gaze.

While I may be nearly eighteen, there is nothing in the world that makes me feel worse than to disappoint Ma. I've tried so hard to make her proud, and to live up to her expectations of me. I even picked up a profession that not I not only love, but one that made her proud. For a few months, at least. I'm not so sure anymore. Sometimes I feel like all of this conflict with Rosto is going to force her to choose between us. And somehow, I think I'd lose if she had to choose.

And I'm moping again. That isn't good.

Anyway, Rosto just shrugged. He nudged Ma and shook his head minutely. She met his eyes and nodded. It's like they can read each other's minds or something.

"That's fine. Maybe in a couple of days," he said nonchalantly. Still, there was hurt and disappointment in his stance. I nodded in return. Admittedly, I was starting to feel a little bad that I'd been so short with him, but it was too late by then.

"Sure. Maybe in a couple of days," I agreed. Ma sighed and walked farther into the room, coming to stand next to me at my desk. She put her hand on my shoulder, then moved it to my cheek, forcing me to meet her gaze. She didn't say anything, but gave me a meaningful look before she kissed my forehead and walked back over to the door.

"We'll talk about this later, Jarred," she said quietly, slipping her hand into Rosto's as they turned to go.

I sat there and watched the two of them disappear down the hallway toward the stairs. For a little while, I continued looking for my report. I still don't know how in the world it actually ended up in the bottom drawer on the left side of my desk. I never put anything important in there, much less a report. That explains why I couldn't find it, though.

Eventually, I joined Ma and Rosto downstairs, but there was little conversation. They were sitting over to one side of the counter and discussing something in hushed tones. All the same, I headed out (without Piper, for once) after breakfast to do the errands I had been planning on doing. That part of the day was really rather boring, since I had nothing to do, and I was feeling a bit guilty over what happened earlier.

I headed back to the Dove once I was done with everything and dropped off what Corcoran had asked me to pick up. I went back upstairs to let Piper out, but made sure she wasn't following me when I left again.

Saul, Gavin, and I met at the Green Dragon, which was a favorite of ours the last time they were in town. It sometimes amazes me that it's been so long since they were in town. Until last night, I hadn't seen Saul since I was thirteen. His family is a merchant family that rarely stays in one place for long. They haven't been in Corus for nearly five years. They left a few days after my birthday last time, and hadn't been back since.

Saul and Gavin were already there waiting for me when I got there. The two of them are as different as night and day. Where Saul is taller, dark-haired and light-eyed, Gavin has golden hair and brown eyes, though they're nowhere near as dark as mine are, and he's only five feet three inches. They're very different men, too. Saul is much more sarcastic and cynical than Gavin is. Though, he does have his good days where his mood is similar to Gavin's usual temperament, which involves being happy most of the time. I don't understand how he can keep that up and be genuine all the time, but I don't doubt that he is. It's just sort of strange.

Anyway, they were both standing there waiting for me when I got that. Gavin's face lit up when he caught sight of me.

"Jarry!" he called. I stopped and glared at him. I hate that nickname. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Would it kill people just to call me Jarred? That's what my ma named me, after all. It's not even hard to pronounce or Scanran gibberish or anything.

"It's Jarred, Gav, or I'll start calling you Gavvie again," I threatened. Gavin rolled his eyes, but still grinned at me.

"Not my fault. You started it," he said.

"Did not. You called me Jarry for some twisted reason. My name is Jarred. Use it, or lose it," I told him. Gavin shook his head.

"I think I'll lose it and just call you Jarry instead," he said. I let out a frustrated growl, then smirked at him.

"Whatever you say, pipsqueak," I teased. Gavin shot me an unusually dark look while Saul rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Don't call me that," Gavin said.

"Then don't call me Jarry," I replied. "Deal?"

"No, but I'll punch you if you do that again," he threatened. I chuckled.

"You try that. I don't think that will hurt much," I told him. He punched me lightly in the shoulder.

"It's good to see you again, Jarred," he said, shaking his head at me. "Even if you are a killjoy sometimes," he added. Saul shook his head.

"Killjoy here saved me last night either way," he told his younger brother. "You almost had to go back to Port Legann and tell Mother and Father that I'd gotten killed because I got caught in a stupid brawl." Gavin looked at me with surprise. I wasn't the most coordinated thirteen-year-old at times, so that might have been a surprise for him.

"Don't mention it," I shrugged. "That's what friends are for, after all," I pointed out. Gavin shook his head at me and we started heading in. Gavin is two years older than me, while Saul is three years older. When we first met, the age difference wasn't so bad, because I was ten, but as we got a little older it did. And oh how they teased me about not having a crush on one of the gixies who lived on the other end of the Lower City. Most of the lads our age did, but not me. I couldn't have cared less at that point. They never did let me live that down on their last trip.

"You saved Saul?" Gavin asked skeptically. He obviously wasn't going to let that go.

"Yeah. He tried to throw himself on a rusher who would've doused him," I told him.

"You, though?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Gavin. I stopped your brother from getting himself killed," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not the kid you knew when you were here last. I actually did grow up," I pointed out.

"A little surprising," he said. "No offense, but when you were a kid, you weren't exactly cut out to be a Dog…" I sighed.

"Hey, I wasn't that bad, Gav," I protested. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Sure, Jare, sure…"

The conversations went on much like that during lunch, and it was rather interesting. It's kind of surprising how different we've all become in the five years since they were back.

More later – baton practice starts soon…

* * *

After Watch

Sometime, I wonder why there aren't more Dogs. I think I know why now. Most of them are afraid of getting jumped.

I do hate Rats sometimes. Particularly when one of them decides that the son of the Rogue and a Dog needs to be jumped for some reason or another. That happened _three_ bloody times tonight! And it isn't like I make myself someone who's easy to pick out of the crowd when I can avoid it…

So, for the most part, Watch was mostly the usual – we had regular street duty tonight, so we were just patrolling, and it wasn't the Nightmarket or the Cesspool for the first time in a while.

I caught six Rats myself and that's mainly because I got sent after them and had to keep them down long enough for Rinny and Tay to catch up. That wasn't too hard, really. Particularly compared to the foist I chased down the other day in particular. There weren't any rooftop chases, either.

Rosto wasn't downstairs and the Dove was quiet when me and Ma got back. He was leaning over the rail at the top of the second flight of stairs, looking down at the second floor while he waited for Ma. Her face lit up when she saw him. She gave me a kiss on the cheek goodnight and a hug before she headed upstairs. Rosto grinned at her and spoke quietly when she was about halfway up the stairs. I watched their quiet conversation for a moment, glancing between them from where I stood.

They love each other a lot. I keep noticing that. They've been together for twenty years, despite Rosto being imprisoned for most of that. Still, the fact that even after being away from each other for so long doesn't seem to have been a major factor. The thought of Ma was the only thing that kept Rosto from giving up to begin with, after all. And I was personally there to know how hard it was for Ma without him around.

Despite that I've been at odds with Rosto, I have to admire both him and Ma at times. They have a lot of strength to be able to get through what the two of them have been through in their lifetimes, from Rosto being imprisoned to Ma having to raise me on her own…

I'm going to head to bed. And Piper isn't sleeping on the bed tonight. I'm not having a repeat of last night.


	4. The Lake

**September 10, 267**

Before Watch

Today has been a good day. Much better than the last couple of days, I think. I'm exhausted, but it's still been an excellent day.

To start, for once, Piper didn't even knock me out of bed last night. After I kicked her out of my bed, she climbed back up on the bed and curled up. Either way, the fact that she didn't kick me out of the bed again is surprising, but appreciated. She was sprawled out over the end of my bed when I woke up, far from the usual spot between me and the wall.

She barely even twitched when I got up and got dressed. I swear, that dog is a sounder sleeper than even Kora is. And I do remember how she could scorch the floor (and blow up doors) from when I was little.

Come to think of it, I miss Kora. I miss having her and Ersken in the Dove. It's been more than eleven years since they were here, when I was almost seven and Alania was four. That was a long time ago, it seems.

Anyway, today was more or less any other day at this point, but it was better than usual for several reasons. Rosto and I didn't have a single fight today. That might have been because I wasn't home that much today... But still, it's an improvement, at least, though I got a lecture all the same.

I got up and got dressed without even really thinking about it – I did match, at least. I've seen what happens when Ersken gets dressed in a hurry without thinking about it. He came to Watch once wearing green breeches and brown boots, instead of the black we're supposed to wear. Needless to say, Goodwin sent him home to change before he went on Watch. He didn't live that down for months.

Piper followed me downstairs when I went to get some food from Corcoran. Ma and Rosto were already down there, surprisingly enough. They usually sleep late most days anymore.

"Morning," I said, almost cheery for a change. Rosto and Ma both turned to look at me in surprise. I suppose I've been a little hard to live with for a while, but I'm trying to get better. Particularly since I've made my mind up not to make Ma disappointed in me again. I hate it when she is, and that never gets either of us anywhere.

"Good morning," Rosto said quietly, watching me with mild interest. "What's put you in such a good mood, lad?" he asked.

"I dunno," I replied, shrugging. "Might be the lake, might be the fact that I'm going to spend the day with my friends…"

"Ah. I would take some of that cream your mother has if I were you. You've got fair skin, and probably burn rather easily," Rosto commented.

"I suppose you know from experience?" I asked. Rosto chuckled.

"Oh, undoubtedly. When I was your age, I burned so badly one day that I couldn't move for three days without being in pain. It's not pleasant," he told me. I winced.

"I've gotten burned my fair share of times, and more," I said. "It's an unfortunate attribute I've inherited."

"That would be true. But you're stuck with it, as it is," Rosto pointed out. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Of course I am. It's unfortunate, but I'll live. I've lived with it for eighteen years," I said. Rosto sighed, muttering something to Ma. She shook her head at him, then proceeded to stuff a piece of the Peach Dragon she'd had Corcoran make into his mouth so that he couldn't talk. Rosto about choked on it because he started laughing so hard at her.

"And what was that for?" he asked once he had swallowed it.

"You talk too much," Ma replied, a smile appearing on her face when he snorted.

"Only because you don't," he replied. Ma gave him a look.

"I do so," she argued.

"Ma, are you really sure you want to argue about that?" I asked. She looked at me for a moment, blinking at me, then shrugged.

"It's not like it's really important," she agreed. "But I do so talk, Rosto," she added. Rosto just chuckled and shook his head at her. Admittedly, they are a rather cute couple. A lot like Kora and Ersken, only they kiss more. And that is still vaguely disturbing.

I headed over to the counter, where Corcoran had put a selection of food for us and the kitchen gixies. I was looking to see if there was anything (besides apple fritters) I wanted before I fed Piper and sat down.

I stopped right then and looked around. My dog was nowhere in sight, and I knew she had followed me down the stairs. I sighed and walked back over to the stairway and peered up it. Not so much as a hair of her was in my line of sight.

"Piper!" I yelled up the stairs. There was a bit of a scuffle from the third floor. I could hear Rosto wince behind me – him and his inn! – and then I could hear Piper on the stairs. When the sound quieted, I knew that she was standing up by the banister, though she wasn't peeking around. "Piper…" I warned, giving her a look when she poked her head into view.

She wagged her tail at me rather hesitantly, looking guilty. I knew she'd been doing something bad if she was looking at me like that.

"Piper, what did you do?" I asked her. She continued to look down at me with a guilty look in her bronze eyes.

 _Piper not do_ bad _…Piper just trying to get Cat-cat to play with Piper,_ she whined. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Piper, Pounce is not going to play with you," I told her. "He's a cat, for one thing, and he's an old cat, at that," I said. There were chuckles behind me.

 _But Cat-cat star-picture, and star-pictures play!_ Piper protested. I shook my head.

"The fact remains, Piper, that Pounce is a cat, and not like you at all. He doesn't like to play, you know," I reminded her. Piper gave me a sulky look before she padded down the stairs.

 _But Piper only wanted to play with Cat-cat…_ she whined. I sighed.

"Will food cheer you up, at least?" I asked her. Her tail came up and started wagging. "Oh, good. Now, at least, I won't have a depressed pup before I leave for the lake," I teased. Piper practically rolled her eyes at me as Ma and Rosto chuckled.

I fed her and ate the plate of food I'd gotten for myself. I love Corcoran's cooking. He's better than any baker or cook in the whole city of Corus, if you ask me. And that is not because I grew up around him. I'm not _that_ biased…

After that I headed back up to my room and pulled out the stuff I needed for the lake and put that in my pack. I had an extra set of clothes, a spare dagger or two, a few coppers, and I got something for lunch from Corcoran when I went downstairs. I was to meet Robbie at the gate closest to the lake with whoever he had managed to get together. We'd been planning on getting Elaine, Alania, and Celtrin to come if we could.

Robbie was already there when I got there, but there was no one else to be seen. Piper bounded up to Rob and pounced on him, knocking him down and licking his face as he spluttered.

"Get off!" he yelped. I shook my head.

"That's not going to work, Rob," I told him. He pushed her head away from him long enough to glare at me.

"It doesn't look like you're helping, now does it?" he retorted. I chuckled and shook my head at him again.

"Well, you did say you liked her the last time she did that," I reminded him.

"Last time she did that, she was a quarter of this weight, and she was less than half this size!" he complained. "And she didn't even knock me over," he added. I rolled my eyes.

"Either way, why don't I help you up?" I said half-teasingly. Robbie chuckled.

"I would appreciate that, Jarred," he said. I couldn't help grinning at him as I pulled Piper off of him and offered him a hand up. Robbie took it and I helped him to his feet, while Piper just danced around the two of us – she loves people as long as they like her. And, apparently, as long as they smell good. Which, from what I can tell, means most people.

"Jarred!" a voice called from behind me. "Robbie!" We turned to see Cel coming toward us with Alania at his heels, her dark hair bouncing behind her in the long braid she wore it in. She grinned at me as they approached, which caused a weird feeling in my stomach.

"Robbie said you'd be coming with us," she said when she and her brother joined me and Robbie on the side of the road. A shy smile appeared on her face, replacing the brilliant grin. I could feel my stomach flopping. I had to resist the urge to run a hand through my hair or take several steps away from her.

"I am," I said, smiling back at her. Then, very abruptly, there was weight slamming into my back.

"Hah! Got you!" Cel's triumphant voice announced. I was shocked as the force of his weight on top of me caused both of us to tumble to the ground. I had completely forgotten that Cel had always been doing something like that. When we were a lot younger, me and Cel were the ones who would roughhouse in the Dove, before Ma and Kora stopped us. They never liked it when that happened. Particularly after both of us fell down the stairs….which happened a lot… That was the end of that, but Cel had never given up trying to knock me down and keep me down. Not that it ever worked.

"Hold it, Cel!" I protested, trying to get him off of me. "Wait until we get to the lake! It'll be more fun for you to try that there, where there's sand and water," I pointed out. I pushed him off of me and got to my feet before he could try that again.

"Oh, fine. I almost won, too, Jarred," he said, shaking his head. I chuckled, rolling my eyes as I rubbed my chin, which had hit the ground hard enough to hurt.

"And you almost sent me to the healer, too. I almost whacked my head on the street," I reminded him. "And besides, next time that could be you," I said. Cel blinked at me, then shook his head, laughing at me.

"You wouldn't be able to keep me down!" he argued. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't start gloating, Cel," I warned him. Alania rolled her eyes at both of us.

"You need to settle down, Cel" she said.

"What fun is it if we don't banter a little about the games we're going to play at the lake?" he replied. Alania and I both shook our heads.

"Then banter somewhere else," she said. I chuckled at her. Cel shot her a dark look.

"You're no fun, Lani," he told her. Alania shrugged.

"Only because you think that," she replied. I shook my head at the two of them. I'm sort of glad that I don't have a little brother or sister because of them. Or, at least one that's that close to my own age. I always wanted one when I was little, though. Obviously, that never happened. Probably a good thing, too.

It was a little while longer before Elaine managed to get there. She was out of breath, but quickly got it back. Though, it quickly disappeared again when Robbie gave her a hug. I'm positive that she likes Rob, and I know that he likes her, because he told me a while back that he likes her too. I'm happy for them. I just have to figure out how to convince Rob to say something about how he likes her, elsewise, someone else might get in the way. If he doesn't tell her, it's taking a risk, after all. Of course, I'm one to talk. I still hadn't actually told Alania how I feel about her, though it seems that everyone knows about it already. Even Rosto figured it out when he'd only seen her once. But, from all the stories I've heard, he fell in love with Ma the first time they met.

We chatted on the way to the lake, at times there was a bit of merciless teasing going on, but it distracted Cel. At that point, Cel hadn't' figured out that I like his sister. Of course, he wouldn't know that his father approves of it, too.

He did, however start talking about the shop that he and Alania help Kora with. Cel has become quite the herbalist despite being only fourteen. Of course, I was running messages for the Dogs at that point myself because Lord Gershom had asked me to. And besides, at the time, Lady Teodrie was still trying to convince me to join her household and become a servant for a noble, where she would make sure I had a good place, so that I could get out of the Lower City.

In the end, that obviously didn't work out, and I went to the Puppy barracks when I was sixteen. Ma was so pleased when I told her that I'd made up my mind to join the Dogs like her, like I'd always wanted to do. I will admit that it was a difficult choice because, despite that Ma desperately wanted me to follow in her footsteps, she also wanted me to have a better life than she could give me. I knew how she felt about it, too, for all she refused to tell me what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to make my own choice. She was ecstatic, though, when I told her that I'd chosen the Dogs in the end.

Where was I? Oh, right. The lake.

So, we got there and spent a good hour goofing off in the sand. Cel jumped on me and we ended up wrestling until I knocked him into the water. I really didn't want to do that, since he's so much younger, and it's stupid for us to get into a fight like that. That's when he splashed me. Or, I should say, tried to. He only managed to succeed in getting his sister and Robbie wet. That started a whole new war – Cel was completely overwhelmed in the splashing that followed. Only then he got me and Elaine where we were laughing on the edge where they'd ended up. We'd followed them, trying to stay out of the war. By that point, my side was hurting from laughing so hard. Then he splashed us, too.

Easy to say, that was the end for him. I jumped on him and that started a whole wrestling match; this one to get him back for splashing me. Had to defend my honor or none of them would have let me live it down.

It was mass chaos between the five of us after that. I still have sand in my hair and I even went to the bathhouse before Watch and everything. By the time the chaos had dissolved, Cel had managed to climb the sand and make it up to one of the scattered trees nearby. Elaine was sitting in the water by a boulder that was sitting mostly in the lake. Alania was sitting in the sand with Robbie, who had just pulled her off of her brother before he'd scrambled up the beach.

I was, typically, sitting at the edge of the water a couple of feet from them, where I'd ended up after Cel had – surprisingly – managed to throw me off before Alania tackled him. We were all soaking wet and out of breath.

"You all right, Jarred?" Alania asked, scooting over to the water's edge. I nodded, leaning back against where my hands were propping me up. I had my head leaned back and my eyes closed as I tried to catch my breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. I cracked one eye and watched her for a moment. She smiled at me, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Good. I'm glad that Cel didn't manage to hurt you. He accidentally whacked Anjier a couple of days ago, and Mama had to heal him. And you know how she is with that little bit of healing magic," she said. I nodded.

"Oh, I do. She fixed me up a couple of times when I was younger than Lea," I pointed out. "It wasn't a lot of fun…" Alania nodded.

"Exactly. You know how she is, too…" she said, edging a bit closer. I was confused as to why she was doing that for a minute. When I opened my eyes and turned to look at her, though, I found that she was only inches away from me. My breath caught in my throat when I noticed exactly how close she was. "Do you like me, Jarred?" she asked softly. I could feel Cel's eyes on me, but I could barely think of anything else. I looked at her for several long seconds.

"Yes," I finally admitted. Alania grinned at me, her smile brilliant and beautiful. A warm feeling was already spreading through me. And she was so close! She was far too close. I could feel her breath on my face as she smiled at me.

I didn't even think we were going to kiss until the instant it happened. Her lips were soft and warm against mine, and I couldn't resist anymore. She wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened it. When we pulled away, both of us were breathless. Her crystal blue eyes were bright, and her smile reappeared a split-second later.

Cel, on the other hand was not pleased. He got up and walked over to where Alania and I were. He glared at me as he crouched down in front of us.

"Did you just kiss my sister, Cooper?" he asked dangerously. I frowned at him.

"Yes. Is that a problem, Cel?" I asked. He continued to glare at me.

"It might be. Does Da know about this?" he asked. I nodded.

"He does," I told him.

"And does he approve?" Cel prompted. "How long has he known?"

"He's known since June, at the very latest, and yes, he approves, Cel. Now don't you dare hit me or I'll punch you back harder than you'd like to know," I threatened. Cel mad a face at me.

"If you hurt her, I'll douse you," he promised.

"I won't," I replied. "I swear on my life, I would never hurt Alania willingly."

"I'm sitting right here, lads," Alania cut in. "And don't you dare kill Jarred for any reason, Celtrin. That ain't fair," she said. Cel raised an eyebrow at her.

"And if he hurts you?" he asked.

"Then I'll deal with it. In _my_ way," she replied coolly. I couldn't help smiling at her as she said that. Admittedly, she's still very pretty when she's mad…

The rest of the afternoon was pretty much the same as the rest – we had a good time, and it was far too soon when Elaine and I had to change into fresh clothes and head back into Corus for baton practice, which I need to leave for now. More later.


	5. The First Victim

**September 10, 267**

After Watch

I have no idea what time it is, but it's late…early...whichever one it is. Watch ended about an hour ago, but I'm just now getting back. I'm exhausted, but I'm going to write anyway. This is important - in other words, I need to remember it.

Baton practice wasn't nearly as bad as usual today. I only hit the dirt twice, and once it was because I ducked and lost my balance when Goodwin hooked her foot around my ankle. I feel bad for a couple of the other trainees who didn't manage to get out of the way of her baton fast enough. That's usually me, so I know how it is for them. I only got lucky tonight. Undoubtedly, Goodwin will get me back tomorrow or the next day for that. I just know it.

Rinny and Tay were both rather quiet for the most part. Rinny was irritated about something that she wouldn't tell us about, and I'm not trying again. Not after what happened last time when Tay tried to get something out of her when she didn't want to share it. He had a bruise on his face for a week before it started to fade after she punched him for annoying her so much. She may be tiny, but she's more than able to take down Tay, who's a good foot and a half taller than she is.

Either way, it was a somewhat interesting night, though I'm going to go ahead and gloss over most of the inane 'I caught a Rat' moments and get to the part that needs to be written down.

Something has gone wrong. There's this weird feeling in the air now, that I can sense when I delve into the magic I got from Ma. There's some very wrong sense that comes when I do. And it's not because of the magic. I talked to Ma before I started writing in my journal before. She said she felt it, too, when she used her Gift tonight. Something bad is in Corus, and I don't know what it is. I don't like this. It makes me feel strange, knowing that something is going wrong right under our noses, and we haven't seen it until now.

We were almost done with our Watch when Piper caught a whiff of something. We had started to head back from the other end of the Cesspool when she stopped where she was and her ears went up. Then she started growling. Piper almost never growls. Not even when we're playing or there's something going wrong. She barks, but she never growls.

We all stopped, then glanced at each other as Piper's hackles rose. That was enough to send me to the edge. I tensed and scanned, looking for anything out of the ordinary. I didn't see anything, so I glanced back at Rinny and Tay. Tay's eyes were narrowed as he watched where Piper was looking. His hand was on the baton holster at his belt.

Silence reigned amongst the typical late-night clatter of the Lower City. It was as if something was pressing against the noise that usually filtered through the streets and repressing it. I could feel my chest constrict as I reached into my Gift and felt the wisps of breeze that fluttered past me.

I could hear ragged breathing, but nothing else. It was even for all that it was labored. It was as if…as if someone was asleep almost, but in a troubled sleep. I glanced at Tay and Rinny for permission, then took a few steps forward when Rinny nodded. I let my hand fall to the baton on my belt. Piper walked with me, intent on whatever it was. I edged closer to the alleyway she was fixated on, my other hand falling to her scruff, ready to grab her and drag her away if something – or someone – attacked us. I grabbed one of the small lanterns that was sitting on a barrel nearby so that I could see.

When we finally got close enough to see, I relaxed some. But not all the way. There was a body lying in the alley, strewn in an uncomfortable position, as if it had fallen over that way. I could see the steady rise and fall of the man's chest, but it was still ragged, labored, for some reason.

I knelt down beside him and put my fingers to his throat to check his pulse. He was still alive and strong, that much was for sure. I peeled back one eyelid to see his eye darting back and forth as if he was dreaming. Then I caught sight of the dart in his neck.

It was a small, fletched dart that looked like it might have been a blow dart, which we don't see too often in Corus, much less in the Lower City or even the Cesspool. I reached down and pulled it out, ignoring the tiny pinprick of blood that welled where I had pulled the dart from. I held it up to the lantern and examined it for a moment.

The metal was of fine make, that much I could tell. It was silver, and it was perfectly shaped. There was a cloudy film over the end of it where the blood didn't cover the metallic surface. The fletching of the tiny dart reminded me of pigeon feathers. That made me frown for a moment. Why would a metal dart like that have fletching on it? That didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"Rinny, Tay, I think you should come here," I called to them. Both of them appeared a moment later, Rinny on Tay's heels.

"What is it, Jarred?" she asked.

"Look at this," I told her, holding the dart up. Rinny pulled out a mage's crystal and lit it, casting a silver-green glow over the four of us and the cove I'd found. I had no idea she was Gifted until last month, much less before that. She doesn't rely on her magic much at all. She rarely uses it unless she has to, really. The light she held made it a lot easier to see than the lantern.

"It's a dart," she said. I nodded.

"It's got something on it," I pointed out. "Other than the blood, there's something on there that isn't hard to see, even in the lighting I had before you pulled that out. Something's not right here," I added. Tay scowled as I started searching the cove on the ground. He peered at the dart Rinny held and his eyes narrowed even more.

"There's nothing valuable on him," I told them a moment later. "He's got an empty purse that looks like it was cut, and multiple sheaths for daggers and other weapons, and they're all empty," I said. "I think someone blew that dart at him, hit him, then looted him when he was down." Tay nodded.

"Good assumption, Cooper," he told me. "Anything else?"

"He's still alive," I said. Tay frowned. "He's breathing, and his heart is pumping. It's as if he's asleep, but there's no other mark on him by the look of it. I don't think that this was done by normal means."

"Undoubtedly. Any ideas, Pup?" he asked, exchanging glances with Rinny.

"Take him back to the Kennel and hope he wakes up soon," I said with a shrug. "There ain't much we can do if we leave him here. And besides, if he wakes up – if that's not some sort of poison – then he can answer some questions and be on his merry way."

"Good. Help me lift him up, then," Tay said. I nodded and followed orders. The cove was heavy, to top it all off.

We carried him back to the Kennel. Well, Tay did. After a moment of trying to keep the weight even, Tay gave up and had me let go and help him rearrange the cove so that he could carry him easier on his own. We got back for muster out just as the last of the others got back.

Goodwin had us stay for a while afterwards, and Rinny and Tay had some paperwork to fill out that I had to sign. (I'm only assuming that it was because I'm the one who found him and the dart and everything…I'm not exactly sure to be perfectly honest.)

Ma waited for me while all of that was going on, though it was obvious she wanted to get home to the Dove and go to bed. I was tired enough at the time that I almost fell asleep against the wall. I'm surprised I've made it this long to be perfectly honest. With all that I've been doing lately, it's amazing that I can stay awake long enough to actually write all of this down in my journal this late at night.

When it was all taken care of and Goodwin had released me, Tay, Rinny, Ma and I headed home. I told her all that had happened, and she asked a few questions, but not many. It wasn't until I'd told her about that weird feeling that she actually said much more.

"Are you sure it's not just your imagination?" she asked. I could see that she believed me even though she asked.

"I'm sure, Ma. I wouldn't imagine something like that. There was something seriously wrong with that scene, and I can't tell what it is," I said. She nodded.

"Good lad. I've had a strange feeling when I've been talking to the pigeons and dust spinners for the last couple of days," she told me. "Have you been using your Gift at all lately?" she asked. I shook my head, almost embarrassed.

"Not since those pigeons last week that you made me talk to," I told her, rolling my eyes. I hate those bloody birds!

"You shouldn't ignore it, Jarred," she chided softly. "If you ignore it, it could mean the difference between life and death for someone. Possibly someone you care about. It's the only reason you're here at all. I ignored it once when I was your age – not intentionally, mind you - and I nearly lost your father in a storm when he got arrested in Port Caynn. I was almost too late to save him," she reminded me. She still hasn't told me the full story of what happened in Port Caynn.

"I still don't see why I have it," I told her, shaking my head. Ma put her hand on my arm and stopped me.

"Everything happens for a reason, Jarred. You're Gifted because there is a purpose for it. You'll find that purpose in time, like I did. I used it to save my country and the ones I loved from danger," she said. I nodded.

"I know you did, but what about me? I don't have any reason to have your Gift, and I'm not meant to be great like you are, Ma," I said. Ma shook her head at me.

"Jarred, when I was your age, I wasn't trying to be great. I was just trying to keep my life together. I had being a full Dog to deal with, and I had four partners in the first six weeks after I'd become a full Dog. Then Port Caynn got tossed in my lap, while your father was parading around with his latest mot at the time, and I was trying to make him leave me alone," she told me.

"That didn't work too well," I pointed out. Ma chuckled.

"You're right, it didn't. But Rosto made it impossible for me to resist him. I was in love with him already, I just didn't want to acknowledge it," she said. "Rosto was irresistible for me, then and now. Despite our differences and the problems we had, we're still together and we still love each other. I love Rosto more than I should, Jarred. I always have. You and Rosto are the two most important things in my life," she continued. She kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

"I love you, Ma," I said, giving her a hug before we walked on. She smiled at me and there was silence for a little while.

"Jarred, there is something else we need to talk about," Ma said after we'd reached Nipcopper Close. I turned to look at her, completely confused. "About yesterday," she continued. I knew what was coming as soon as she said that. I groaned.

"Do we have to talk about this?" I asked. Ma gave me a look.

"Yes, we do," she told me. "You were very disrespectful to your father, and I don't like that, Jarred."

"Sorry," I muttered. Ma raised her eyebrows.

"Son, you know that he's trying. We've had that discussion before. Rosto is trying, for all of our sakes. He just doesn't know what to do or how to do it. He's struggling just as much as you are, and you need to be nicer to him. He's been gone for your whole life, and not by any choice of his own. He had no idea that we were even going to have a child when he was taken. I didn't either, but the point remains the same," she said. I nodded.

"I know," I said with a shrug.

"Then will you try harder to get along with him and try not to be so cold to him? He does care about you, Jarred," Ma reminded me. I sighed. "Give him a chance."

"I'll try," I agreed. "But he doesn't always make it easy to get along with him," I added. Ma nodded.

"I know. I've had my fair share of fights with him over the years. The important thing is that he loves you, and he loves me. He wouldn't intentionally hurt us if he could avoid it. That's what he was trying to avoid when he acknowledged you as his son. That way rumors didn't destroy your reputation. I could care less about mine and my job is secure enough. Yes, it's hard now, but you've got a fighting chance. I know you can get past this, Jarred. I'm sorry I've thrown you into this, and but I'm not sorry that you're here. Don't give up. It's unbecoming of my son," she said, reaching out to touch my arm. I nodded.

"I'm not sorry about that, either, Ma. It's just hard when no one will listen to me. I'm trying my best to be a good Dog and learn the trade. I'm getting better at it. I'm just being excluded by a lot of the other Dogs," I said.

"I know. And it's hard – but it will come in time. Eventually, they will respect you for who you are, not because you are my son. You don't have to live in Rosto's shadow your whole life. You can step out of it if you try, and I know you will. You're a good man, Jarred. I'm proud of you, and who you've become," she told me. "Even if you do have a few things to work out," she teased. I grinned at her.

"I know. I'll work on it. I'm proud of you, too, Ma," I replied. She smiled and gave me another hug.

"Come on. Let's get home and get something to eat. I'm starving, and we've both got journals to write in tonight," she said. I laughed and agreed. We both got something to eat out of Corcoran, and headed up. I'm going to see if I can get more of this sand out of my hair before I go to bed. It's irritating me to death.


	6. The Assignment

**September 11, 267**

Before Watch

Once again, I'm absolutely sick of people who think they know everything. This is the second time in three weeks that one of the older Dogs has come up to me while I've been out and told me off for something that I can't avoid. Ugh. I'm not even going to go into it because it would only irritate me even more, and that is the last thing I need before baton practice.

The rest of my day, at least, has been good so far. Rosto and I haven't fought, Piper didn't knock me out of bed, and nothing incredibly bad has happened. Yet. There's always watch, and there's always something that will, without a doubt, happen to me later. It's my luck.

Today was a lot like yesterday as far as the morning goes. I got up, got dressed, ate with Ma and Rosto, and then ran a few errands. I had to stop by Kora's shop and pick up a few herbs for Ma and for Corcoran, though. Kora was there, and so was Cel. Alania appeared a moment after I walked in.

"Jarred! What are you up to today?" Kora asked me when I walked over to the counter. I couldn't help but grin.

"Well, I'm the one running errands again today," I told her. "Ma and Corcoran asked me to pick up a few things, and your herbs are always the best in the city," I pointed out. Kora smiled at me. I wasn't just saying that, either. I've noticed that her herbs are always the ones that that are the freshest, and they stay fresh and pungent. I think she spells them to keep them fresh like that. Either way, it works. Her shop is usually very popular the days that it is open. It looked like it was slow this morning. Cel was totaling someone's purchase at the counter, but there was only one other person in the shop.

"What can I get for you, then? We've got a few fresh ones that Corcoran might like for one of his dinners, and if I know Beka, she'll want some chamomile for tea," Kora said. I nodded.

"Ma does want that, and a few others for various reasons. I think she was looking for things to make a poultice with, too. Rosto got himself injured last night when someone attacked him, and he didn't think it was bad enough to go to a healer. Ma is a bit annoyed with him," I said. Kora shook her head.

"That sounds just like Rosto. Where did he get hit?" she asked.

"The arm. Below the brand scar on his shoulder."

"Ah. I've just the thing, then. He used to do that from time to time, when he was Rogue before," she said. She pulled a jar off of one of the shelves and put it on the counter with the herbs Cel had been pulling out.

"Jarred," a voice said behind me. I half-turned to see Alania standing there, holding a bunch of herbs that she handed to Cel a moment later.

"Hello, Alania," I greeted her.

"Lani," she corrected. "My family and friends call me Lani, Jarred. All but you, that is, who seems to have this obsession with calling people by their fully names," she pointed out.

I couldn't help but laugh. She was right. Except for Robbie, I call all of my friends by their full names, and it hasn't been a conscious habit on my part. Robbie is only exempt form that because he can't stand his full name, and hasn't used it since he could convince people that Rob was his full name. I understand why he doesn't want us to call him Carobin if he can avoid it. How, though, he managed to convince people of that at the age of four is quite frankly beyond me. And why is it that I keep getting sidetracked?

"Alright. Lani it is from now on," I agreed. "Why is Cel glaring at me?" I asked a few seconds later, when I glanced back to the counter and saw him glowering at me.

"He's still mad about yesterday," Lani told me. "He'll get over it," she added.

"What happened yesterday that Cel will get over?" Kora asked curiously. Lani giggled.

"Mama!" she protested. "It's not fair to question customers," she reminded Kora. Kora shook her head at her eldest daughter.

"When it's Jarred, it's fair, dear," she informed Alania. "After all, the only reason you're here at all is because I came here with his father and met yours," she said. "Not to mention, I've known him since he was a babe."

"Don't worry about it," I told Lani. "I don't mind if it's only Kora. She doesn't gossip much, at least," I said. Kora raised an eyebrow.

"That's all well and good, but would you mind telling me what happened?" she asked. She didn't look all that amused by what she obviously considered stalling.

"Jarred kissed me," Lani said simply. "And Cel's all mad about it for no reason," she added. Kora chuckled.

"He is your brother after all," she said with a shrug. "But, I will say this, Alania. I approve of your choice. And so does your father. We were only waiting for Jarred here to declare himself," she continued. Lani blushed scarlet.

"Were we that obvious?" she asked. I could feel my cheeks burning. Kora shook her head.

"Not to most people," she said. "But I spend a great deal of time around Beka and Rosto when they were keeping their relationship a secret," she told us. "I don't think that many people have noticed, other than those of us who used to live at the Dove." I know I let out a faint sigh of relief when she said that. I heard Lani doing the same.

"Mama…don't embarrass him," Lani told her. "I like Jarred, and you and Papa chased off that gixie that Cel liked because you were like this…" she said. I raised an eyebrow at her skeptically. I had not heard about that.

"Oh, don't worry, Lani. If Jarred isn't already gone by now, I don't think he'll be scared off just because your father and I are embarrassing," Kora said, giving me a wink.

"You're as bad as Cassa's parents," Lani complained. Kora raised an eyebrow. "I haven't liked anyone else besides Jarred," she said. I cleared my throat, and she glanced at me, wide eyed. Then she turned a deeper shade of pink. I just smiled at her.

"How much do I owe you, Kora?" I asked. She smiled at me, then looked down at the pile that had been amassed form what I had listed.

"That would be…two silver nobles," she told me. I pulled out the coins and put them on the counter while she wrapped the herbs up. With another smile, she handed them to me with the jar of salve for Rosto. "Come back soon, Jarred!" she called after me, which only caused me to laugh again. I do love Kora, even if she does tease me.

I headed back to the Dove and gave Ma and Corcoran the herbs and went upstairs for a little while. I didn't do much other than clean up until I started this entry. And I need to go get ready for baton practice. And probably make sure Piper gets fed before we head to the Kennel. I'm going to be _so_ glad when I'm done with baton practice. Only three and a half years to go…

After Watch

It turns out that the cove that we found last night won't wake up. The healer at the Kennel has tried everything and she can't even bring him closer to consciousness. Apparently he was like that longer than we thought – at least since the day of the riot. I haven't the faintest clue as to how they have that much information, but I'm also not a healer. And glad of that fact, to boot.

There is one thing that worries me. Because this cove was obviously attacked and his body looted, there is reason to believe that there is someone out there who could do that to more people. That means that it is our job to find that person – or those people, depending on how many there are. Rinny and Tay (and by extension, me) got the case, since we found him and I was the one who identified the fact that there was something on the dart.

We had a relatively normal night, busy with catching Rats and so on. I caught a couple of them myself, but we did not do much more than that. We had dinner before we headed back to the Kennel. That was when we found out about the case. Apparently it's not such a big deal at the moment, as the Watch Commander only wants to find out who did it and what happened. What irritates (and bothers) me is that he did not even bother coming out to see them himself. I think there is something more to this. I don't know what it is, but I just know there is something else behind this.

"So, Pup, do you think you can figure out what is on that dart?" Tay asked. We were waiting for them to talk to the Watch Commander at the time. Well, I should say as _they_ waited. I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not that good, Tay," I told him. "The only reason I could figure out as much as I did is because Ma knows a little about herbs, and her mother was an herbalist. Ma only taught me enough to know whether there is poison or an herbal on something. I could not recreate it or tell you what it was if I tried," I continued. "I can make myself tea, but that is as far as my skills with herbs go. I'm rather useless on that front." Tay sighed.

"Blast it, then," he muttered. "I was rather hoping that this wouldn't take that long," he added. This time Rinny raised an eyebrow.

"What's the hurry?" she asked. "There's plenty of time to flush out whoever it is," she pointed out. Tay shrugged.

"I dunno," he replied. "I have a bad feeling about this…" I nodded.

"So do I," I spoke up. Tay looked at me. "I used my Gift last night…" I explained. "And something in the air didn't feel right. Ma agrees with me. There's something that is not right, but magic won't tell us what. We have to figure out what it is on our own. Whatever it is, though, isn't anything good," I continued. They both nodded.

"On that," Tay said. "We are agreed. There's something very wrong here." Rinny nodded again in agreement but said nothing. A half-second later, the two of them were called into the Watch Commander's office. Without me. Again.

Why is it that I am continually excluded from those meetings? Is it because I'm a Puppy? Either way, I hate being excluded. Of course, I'm probably the only one who feels like that. Most Puppies probably wouldn't care if they were being excluded. Most Puppies, though, aren't the ones who grew up as the child of the Terrier…


	7. Grow Up

**September 12, 267**

Mithros, my head hurts. Today has not been my day. Actually, most days don't seem to be my days anymore. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Those morons at the Kennel think that they can insult me now. And for some reason they seem to have thought that I would just take it, that I wouldn't react when they went too far. Maybe that's what they wanted, though, and they were trying to get sympathy from the others by acting surprised. I don't know.

As far as most of the day went, it was as normal as they get for me these days. It started when Rosto jerking my blankets off. I swore and nearly fell out of bed. Piper scrambled up, or tried to. Her front paws landed on my chest and knocked the wind out of me when all of her weight impacted.

She jumped off of the bed and gave Rosto a look with those bronze eyes of hers before she turned and padded out of the open door.

"What was that for?" I managed to wheeze once I'd partially caught my breath. Rosto shrugged.

"Your mother said that you needed to get up," he replied. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing that I wasn't going to get a good answer out of him. I never do.

"That is not why you stole my blankets from me," I said matter-of-factly. "But you're not going to tell me." He paused, then sighed.

"I do tell the truth, lad, even if I was the Rogue," he told me. "Just because I'm not on the same side of the law as you does not mean that I lie constantly or sommat like that…"

"You know, I'm not sure I really care," I commented as I hauled myself out of the bed. Rosto frowned at me, which I ignored. I honestly don't care what he does. I want nothing to do with it and therefore I don't need to know about it.

"I could have sworn your mother taught you manners," Rosto said, narrowing his eyes at me. I shrugged.

"She did. Doesn't mean I have to use them…" I replied.

"You should."

"Your point?"

"I'm just saying, lad, that you'll gather more flies with honey than with vinegar," Rosto stated. "That attitude of yours is going to get you into trouble, and you won't have anyone to turn to." I raised an eyebrow, giving him a skeptical look.

"Honestly, I'm not in the mood for this," I told him. "And it doesn't matter anyway. The only reason I'm in the situation I'm in now is you. I was doing just fine before you got involved."

There was silence for a moment as Rosto watched me. I could see that he was rapidly going through his thoughts for something to say and trying to decide how much trouble I was going to be to him.

"Don't blame other people for your own problems, son," he said finally. "It is very unattractive, and you'll lose the friends you have now by doing that."

"I'm losing them anyway," I snapped. "No one will talk to me anymore, because of you. They seem to think that I'm just like you just because you're my father. I am _nothing_ like you."

Rosto did not seem offended by me saying that. I would have thought that he would have been, considering the great amount of vanity I've seen from him. He just watched me, his expression one of slight annoyance but almost frighteningly calm.

"Jarred," he said calmly. "I'm not asking you to be grateful to me in any way. I know how hard this is for you. I would appreciate a great deal less hostility, though. This situation is whatever you make of it."

I ignored him, pulling a fresh shirt over my head. I was in no mood to listen to anything he had to say. Besides, he's the root of my problems anyway. I have to deal with the rest of it and he doesn't because everyone is too scared of him.

Even though he's not back at the top of his game yet, all I've ever heard says that he was a fearsome opponent when he was young. They say that he only ever lost one duel, and that he was saved by some Scanran woman, then. Mind you, those stories also say that she brought a child with her and that he was later kidnapped. No one really knows what happened to the lad.

One of the stable hands once told me that the boy from the story actually survived. I'm not sure if I believe him or not. And I'm not going to ask Rosto anyway. The last thing I need is for him to think that I'm interested. I'm not.

Rosto shook his head at me. The expression on his face was almost unreadable. The lines around his mouth were the only sign – other than the flashing of his eyes – that he was displeased.

"This is not my fault, or my problem, Jarred," he said. "It is not who you are that defines you, it is what you do. Just because you are my son does not mean that you cannot be a good Dog and get past this."

"You know, I could really do without your advice, thank you," I replied. Rosto sighed, shaking his head at me again.

"One thing you learn as the Rogue, Jarred, is to listen. I suggest that you learn that skill, too," he told me. Then he disappeared down the hall, as quiet as a whisper.

I headed downstairs a few moments later to find one of the kitchen girls giving Piper treats for doing tricks for her. I swear, that dog is a mass of contradictions. She's never done anything like that for me, even when I offer her food, and she'll roll over, shake hands, dance in a circle, and all sorts of other things for the kitchen girls.

Ma and Rosto were nowhere to be seen, though Aniki was sitting in the far corner, talking to Phelan. I ate breakfast alone, not wanting to disturb them. I could overhear a few words here and there, so I knew enough to be able to tell that they were discussing Rogue business, among other things.

For the most part, my day was boring and uninteresting. I had lunch with Saul and Gavin again. They were in fairly good moods, particularly Saul for some reason. It's not often that he is – or was – as cheerful as his younger brother, even on a good day. Somehow, though, his mood rivaled even Gavin's. I am honestly surprised by that. And I have no idea why he was in such a good mood…

Anyway, once afternoon hit, I headed back to the Dove to change and grab my baton and Piper's leash. She was ready to go before I even hooked the leash up. Piper seems to really love this, even though she's not a scent hound or anything. She's almost official at this point. I heard someone call her 'the Puppy's puppy' once when she was tiny.

Baton practice was nothing but normal today. I got whacked three times, hit the ground once, but managed to block most of Goodwin's strikes. It's sort of a haze right now. Particularly with my post-Watch incident and all…

Most of Watch was a blur. I will be honest and say that I was paying less attention than I should have and just wanted it to be over by the time it started. As much as I like chasing Rats and putting them in the Cages, today was just not my day.

The Shang are back in town. I saw Destiny and Valin wandering around a bit, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them tonight. That was about the point that Tay sent me off on a chase with Piper. We caught our Rat and sent him off to the Cages rather rapidly. Piper makes it almost too easy sometimes. She pounced on that one. He was scared out of his wits and was begging for the Cages to get away from her by the time Rinny and Tay caught up with us.

The odd thing is that both of them were pretty quiet tonight until we got back to the Kennel. We were one of the last teams to come in. Ma and Kayly were over talking to Birch and Ersken, who was back on his feet after that brawl.

Elaine was nowhere to be seen. I walked over to Ma and the others, still looking for her. It was strange that she was not there when they were. She always was.

I nudged Ersken when he had been silent for a few minutes. He turned, then smiled faintly when he saw me.

"What can I do for you, Jarred?" he asked. I offered him a slight smile in return.

"What happened to Elaine? She's usually with you, and I know I saw her earlier…." I said. There was a flash of guilt and even a little bit of pain in his eyes.

"Er…Jarred…" he started. I frowned. "Elaine is over at the healer's…" he said finally. I looked at him for a moment, confused. She hadn't been there when I had looked. Or I hadn't seen her. "Jarred, she got hit…" Ersken continued.

"Hit with what?" I prompted. Ersken sighed.

"With one of those darts you found the other night. We sent her after one of the Rats we were trying to catch, since Birch and I already had our hands full…only…only she didn't come back. We looked for her and found her in the alley, unconscious. I carried her back here, but it was too late. She'd already gone under. The healer couldn't wake her," he told me. I stared at him for a long moment.

"Rob's going to be heartbroken," I said finally. Ersken nodded, more absently than anything else. It turns out, of course, that she wasn't the only one attacked. There were two other people in the Lower City who were hit by darts and left to die like that.

I wandered off to where I was supposed to be when Goodwin came back and waited there after that, leaving Ma and Ersken to talk to their partners.

Things went as they usually did until after she came in and we were released for the night. I was talking to Tay about something when it happened. We were moving toward the door to the Kennel.

"Who let the Rogue's whelp in here?" someone asked. I gritted my teeth, intent on ignoring them. Tay stopped, looking over his shoulder to see who had said it.

"Filthy half-bloods like him don't have a place here, or a place anywhere here," another voice said. I tried to ignore it, but it was difficult when they were doing it intentionally like that.

"He's just a mutt," one of the mots said. Everyone else in the room had stopped talking. I half turned to see who was talking.

"Should have been put down as a pup, I say," one of the older Dogs, Karter Valis, said.

"Nah," one of the others disagreed.

"No, no, hear me out," Valis responded. I could see Ersken and Ma shifting to look at him. "He's just a half-breed. The symbol of a misbegotten relationship between a Rat and a Dog. The Dog that whelped him should-"

That was as far as he got. They can insult me all they want, but when they go after Ma…

Well, it ain't pretty, and it sure as Mithros ain't going to happen.

Safe to say, I threw myself at him. I wanted to hurt him for even thinking that about Ma. He was only a couple of feet away from me. One of the mots shrieked when I knocked him down. I punched him in the face and was rewarded by a satisfying _crack_.

He retaliated and stars exploded in my right eye. Pain seared the skin above my eye as blood started to trickle down from my eyebrow. I hit every part of him I could, genuinely wanting to hurt him – kill him, even – for saying that about Ma, even if he never got to finish it.

They were quick to pull me off of him, unfortunately. Tay and Ersken got to me first and tore me away from him. I fought their grip, but they wouldn't let go.

"Jarred, stop it," Ersken hissed at me. "You're upsetting your mother, and it's not going to help anything. You're only confirming what they already think of you. You can't lose your temper like that," he said.

I made one last attempt to get at Valis, who looked slightly afraid as he was trying to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Tay and Ersken held me back, though. I shot them dirty looks, but relaxed as I was told to. They let go very tentatively a moment later. I stood where they let me, glaring at Valis. No one says those things about my ma. No one.

I glanced at her to see her staring at me, her mouth slightly open. There was a faint look of horror on her face. I looked away again, but not out of shame. I was not ashamed of what I had just done. He deserved it.

There was dead silence in the Kennel for a few moments as people stared. Finally, Ersken said something to Tay and then took me by the elbow and dragged me out of the Kennel. I was a little confused, but I went willingly enough that he didn't pull harder.

"That was stupid, Jarred," he said once we were out on the street.

"He insulted Ma!" I protested. "They can't insult Ma like that. Not after all she's done for them." Ersken let out a frustrated sigh, giving me an annoyed look as he led me in the direction of the Dove.

"Jarred, I've known your mother for twenty years. Beka has heard much, much worse. And she doesn't need you to defend her. She and Rosto dealt with it when people were only gossiping about them and trying to tear them down. No one knew that what they were saying was true. Beka and Rosto just shrugged it off. And so should you. That little display was stupid. It's not going to help your case to act like that," he replied.

"But-" I started.

"Don't even go there," Ersken cut me off. "You're too old for this, Jarred. You're almost eighteen. At that age, your mother was a dog of two years and had already brought down the Shadow Snake and those counterfeiters with the help of Goodwin, your father, and Lockhorn. You're acting like a child," he told me.

The look on his face reminded me of why I had always viewed him as a father-figure, having lacked one most of my life.

"Fighting with Rosto all the time and acting like this are going to get you into a lot of trouble. Grow up, Jarred. Take a lesson from this," he added.

By then, we were already at the Dove. He gave me a final look before he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me standing there.

I haven't been acting that badly, have I?


	8. Uncertainty

**September 18, 267**

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Every time I turn around, I'm either at a dead end, or I have done something wrong. I can't seem to do anything right. Anything at all.

It's starting to get ridiculous. I haven't written in almost a week because I have nothing to say. I'm tired of pouring out all of the sarden things that keep happening into this book. This book has perhaps become a place where my most private and personal feelings are written in ink, but that has started to disturb me. All I ever do anymore is pour out complaints. Rosto did this, Rosto did that, I can't do this, I can't do that. I don't need to be doing that in the least.

There is also the fact that whatever I write down in here could be read by anyone who got their hands on my journal. They would then see every little ounce of scummer that I've written down. While Ma and Rosto might not mind - they are, after all, the Terrier and the Rogue - I do.

Me, I'm just the little nobody sitting in their shadows. Not just Rosto's, both of theirs. Everyone seems to think that I'm either Ma or Rosto. I'm not. I don't want to be.

That still leaves me where I started.

Nothing has gone right at all in the last few days. There are more than a dozen people down after being hit with those darts. They're all the same. All, save for the two Dogs who were hit, were stripped of all valuables. Usually, they are from one of the nearby districts. Most of the recent ones have been moved. They have been found in alleyways where (somehow) no one saw them get there, but there is always evidence that they were not attacked there.

Their body might be arranged in a way that is too neat, or their clothing might be something one might only see in Unicorn District. No one can explain how they get there, though. Or why they only show up during Evening Watch. Not during Day Watch, or even Night Watch. Just Evening Watch.

Someone is planning this. It's like they know exactly where a pair of Dogs are going to be. Or where they will look, and it's always there that they place their victim.

I'm going to be completely honest and say that it does disturb me. Quite a lot. Why someone would do this to anyone else is beyond me. I do not like it. Whoever is behind this is insane. They have a sick, twisted mind to do this to innocent people who have done nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Tay, Rinny, and I have spent the last few days trying to find any lead we can. The biggest problem we have run into so far is that every time we find something, the trail is cold, or it leads to a dead end.

No apothecary in the Lower City has sold a large amount of any particular herb to anyone, and they have not seen anyone suspicious. There's a team in each of the other districts working with us, but they're running into dead ends, too. Tay met with one team yesterday and brought back their most current report. All they know is that there is that their healers have not found anything to work with. There is never any evidence left behind.

I can't even use my Gift like Ma did with the Shadow Snake case. The folk that we are dealing with are not dead. They are only in a state where they can't be reached and will never wake up unless a remedy or something of the like is put together. I asked Kora about it the other day, and she said that she would help if I could help her figure out what was in it.

The unfortunate part is that I'm not familiar with more than little bits and pieces of what an herbalist does. And you need to have more than the tiny, tiny bit that is on the darts. I can't figure out what it is on my own anyway. I may be able to figure out small things, but that is not one of those small things. It's actually quite a difficult process, as it is.

And, as it turns out, no one from the Dogs is actually willing to help Rinny and Tay. Or me. It's because of me, I know. They're always giving me these dirty looks now. The incident with Valis only made all of it worse. No one really cares that I was defending Ma or any of the like. They just care that I started a fight with one of the Senior Dogs. I did not start that fight. He did.

Because of that, however, they don't trust me in the least. I've heard folk whispering about how they can't trust a vicious Pup anymore than they can a Rat. They have also said something about puppies with bad streaks in them needing to be drowned.

I hate those people sometimes. Most of the time, these days, actually. Why can't they just leave me be? Is it that I've made myself an easy target or something? That was most certainly not my goal in this. I do wonder why folk have decided to pick on me. It's not just the Dogs, either. People on the street do the same thing, even if I'm with Ma. It don't matter to them who hears what they're saying. They just want to gossip about people, particularly those who seem to have gossip around them, like Rosto for example. With him being the former Rogue and all, it just follows him around. Particularly now that he's back and everyone thinks they know _everything_.

I do not like feeling sorry for myself. That is all I ever seem to be doing now: feeling sorry for myself, complaining about everything, and getting mad over everything. I'm just so frustrated.

All of this is ridiculous. The whole bloody thing.

When I find out who is doing this – and I _will_ find out who it is – they are going to regret it.

That being said, I have no idea exactly how I'm going to be doing that. This might not be the best course of action to begin with.

Maybe if I write it down it will help.

There are two Dogs from Evening Watch over in Flash District down, plus Elaine. Then there are two who look like they might have been minor noblemen or rich merchants. No one really knows who they are, so it is impossible to know which. The rest of them all seem to be traders. There is no connection between them, though. That's what does not make sense. There should something connecting them, but there isn't. The only connection is when they're found and how they're arranged.

I'm not sure I understand exactly what is going on. We have no leads. There is nothing to go on, not even a hair or something left at the scene. It does not make sense at all.

This is how the whole of my week has been. All confusion and few answers. The mages have made no progress when they've tried to heal the victims. Apparently they can't reach them where they are. It's some sort of natural toxin that is resistant to healing magic. That means that without an antidote, all of them will die.

I don't really know how this could get much worse.

Wait, no. It could get a lot worse. But we need some sort of clue to look into anything.

My mind is running in circles. Constant little circles that lead absolutely nowhere. Nothing is helping, and it's only made me more and more frustrated. And things have not been going well otherwise either.

Things were so much easier six months ago, when it was just me, Ma, and Piper. I didn't have so many walls to run into like this then.

People knew back then that I was the Rogue's son, but they didn't _know_. They didn't even think about me being anything but the son of the Terrier. Now that he's back, things are different. There's hostility now where there wasn't before…

I just don't know what to do. I'm rambling, too. I should be doing something productive now instead…


	9. Spontaneous Combustion

**September 19, 267  
**

_Morning_

Last night was wonderful. Really. Wonderful. We've hit another dead end. I hate this. I really, really hate this. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why? Is it just because of me? It certainly seems like it.

Maybe it's because of all of the things that have been going on, but this is really not fair. Writing about last night was pointless. All we did was talk to a bunch of imbecilic idiots who have nothing to tell us. Three of them gave us something, but it wasn't anything. And five more were down in the Lower City alone last night. There were more than a dozen in total. Whoever is doing this has abandoned caution, but they are still not caught! This is ridiculous!

And I was up half the night with stupid dreams and the fact that the Court of the Rogue was _still_ going on when I got back. And it kept going for hours. Those idiots aren't as bad as the Dogs, though.

One of the Dogs from Day Watch has caught on to the Evening Watch shunning and has spread it to his watch. So, now no one will talk to me. Except maybe Night Watch, but I rarely talk to them. That means I'm stuck again. And I keep hearing these whispers when I'm not talking to the pigeons. I can't even make out what they're saying, but I know it's important. I just can't hear it, and Ma said that she hadn't heard it when I asked her after Watch last night.

That means I'm stuck again. For the hundredth time this week. Every lead we find has a dead end. Everything we catch goes cold almost instantly or leads us in circles or isn't even a viable lead. Someone swore the other night that it was his third cousin or sommat like that. Fact is, his third cousin has been dead for ten years. Cracknob.

I am frustrated beyond all belief right now. This should not be this hard! We've been working on this case for a week now. And there is nothing. Absolutely not one bleeding thing. There are _never_ cases like these. Never. There is always some shred of evidence on something. We can't tell exactly what the motive of whoever is doing this anymore either. Three people who lived in the Cesspool have turned up in the last three days. They have no money, so either he isn't interested in money or he's trying to throw us off. And none of us can tell which. There have been merchants, Dogs, city folk, and a Rat a few days ago. Rosto and Aniki were both furious about that, but there's nothing they can do.

At least I'm not the only one who's powerless. I just wish this would work better! None of this makes the least bit of sense! We should be able to tell something! Why is there nothing to go on? This is utterly ridiculous.

Time to feed Piper. Then I'm going to try to do _something_ useful…

_Noon_

I am not going to write a falsehood in this journal. Even if it is only for myself. I will not skew this incident. I am ashamed of myself. I have let my temper get the better of me, and I am not proud of it. I was wrong, and I acknowledge that. I'm still not going to apologize.

Today has not been a good day. It was no more than usual before breakfast…but, I let the fact that I haven't been sleeping as much as usual, my anger with Rosto, and my frustration get ahead of my head. It was stupid.

I was still very tired when I went downstairs to get something to eat. Piper followed me downstairs, and I already had a pounding headache, though I didn't mention it when I wrote earlier because I was trying to ignore it. Rosto and Ma were sitting down at one of the tables with Aniki and Phelan, and they were doing well enough. They were already eating, so I fed Piper and picked up a bit of this and that from Corcoran's spread. As usual, it all smelled delicious.

I sat down heavily in the chair on the other side of the table just as Aniki and Phelan were getting up to leave. They'd finished their breakfast, and they were more than ready to head out and do whatever they were going to do today by the look of it. In other words, none of my business. Rosto's eyebrows shot up as he looked at me over his food. He was still eating, as was Ma.

"Something wrong, son?" Rosto asked. I looked up at him and gave him a nasty look.

"What do you think?" I shot back. Rosto frowned at me. I knew I was pushing it already but in all honesty, I didn't care a lick.

"You're in a bad mood this morning," he commented. I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you for pointing it out," I replied sarcastically. Ma shot me a warning look. I completely ignored her. There was utter silence for a few moments, other than the sound of Piper eating, Corcoran and the gixies in the kitchen, and the clatter of silverware.

"What's put you in a bad mood this morning?" Rosto asked, tilting his head a little. He was watching me closely as I shoved a piece of apple fritter in my mouth.

"Nothing," I snapped back. "What do you care?"

"Jarred, I'm your father. I do care, despite what you seem to believe," he told me. I rolled my eyes again.

"Sure. Let's go with that," I said sarcastically, taking another bite. Rosto exchanged glances with Ma.

"What's wrong, Jarred?" he prompted. I glared at him.

"Nothing!" I snapped. "That's the problem! There's nothing! Every place we turn is a dead end. Every lead we find is cold or going in the wrong direction. I've been up three bloody nights until an hour or two before dawn, and I haven't been able to sleep during eh day because I'm stuck going to look for something in the case!"

"You know, you have some connections you could use, Jarred…" Rosto pointed out, waving his fork at me absently. I raised an eyebrow.

"And what would those be? I'm just a Puppy. I don't' have any Birdies or contacts. I barely even get spoken to by the other Dogs at all!" I said, my voice rising in level. Rosto gave me a look.

"You've got family and friends who would be more than willing to help," he said calmly. I frowned at him.

"And who would that be?" I demanded. Ma tried to give me a warning kick under the table. It didn't work.

"Well, for one thing, your father is the Rogue," he pointed out. "And you've got plenty of friends everywhere," he added. I shot him another nasty look.

"I won't take charity from the Rogue," I told him. Rosto's eyebrows rose for a half-second before he frowned at me. Ma tried again unsuccessfully to warn me off.

"I'm not offering you a charity, Jarred," Rosto told me. "I'm simply pointing out that you have a number of resources that you're ignoring," he said.

"I didn't ask for your help," I hissed at him. Rosto's eyebrow rose again.

"I'm still offering it," he told me.

And I didn't ask for it," I reminded him. "I didn't ask for your bloody opinion, and I don't want to hear it from a Rat," I told him. Rosto just shrugged, which made me all the more angry. I didn't understand how he could be so calm.

"I was only trying to help. I like my job, Jarred. There's no need to throw insults around," he told me calmly. That did it.

"Insults? What blasted insults?" I demanded. "Why do you even like being a Rat? They're nothing but scum!" Rosto glared at me.

"Jarred, if I hadn't chosen this life, you wouldn't be here right now. I would still be stuck up in the Far North of Scanra, probably married to some bloody prim and docile little thing instead of your mother with a dozen children. Live with it," he said quietly, his tone deadly soft.

"I wish we'd never gone to Scanra, then! None of this would have happened if we hadn't," I muttered. "I never asked for my own father to be a bloody _rat_!" I practically yelled the last word. Rosto's glare hardened. I was on my feet by now, glaring at him with lethal intensity. If looks could kill, we both would have been dead.

"I never asked for your help!" he snapped, his own voice rising for the first time. "I could have gotten out of there myself!"

"No you couldn't have. You deserved to be in there! You're nothing more than a dirty rat!" I yelled back. Rosto's jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed as he rose.

"Why you little mongrel!" he shouted. Before he could go on, I countered.

"And whose fault is that?" I demanded.

" _Jarred!_ " I had gone too far then. I didn't see it at the time, but in retrospect, I can definitely see that I had gone much too far. I had insulted Ma and Rosto both with that jibe. Ma was on her feet now, staring at me with wide eyes, the horror in her gaze absolutely plain.

"What?" I challenged. "Don't either of you deny it! That's all I ever have been. I'm just a mongrel who doesn't fit in anywhere. I'm a half-blood, and not just because I'm half-Scanran and half-Tortallan. I'm half-Rat and half-Dog, too, because of you two. That's all people see me as, and that's all they ever will!" I yelled.

"Jarred," Rosto barked, his face turning bright red. "You will apologize to me and your mother. _Now,_ " he ordered. "I will let those insults go, but I will not allow you to insult your mother like that. Look at all she's done for you. She bore you without shame, despite what everyone thought of her, she raised you, and she's always don her best by you. You have no right to insult her like that, and you _will apologize,_ or Kyprioth help me, I will hurt you," he threatened.

"You and what army?" I sneered. "You couldn't take on me if you tried," I reminded him. His eyes narrowed.

"Do not underestimate me, Jarred," Rosto warned. "Those who underestimate me usually end up dead, and I would hate for you to be among them, son," he told me. "Now apologize."

"No! I will not! It's not my fault that I'm an outcast while you two just keep going about your bloody business, not caring what anyone else thinks! You don't have to deal with being a Puppy when no one trusts you, just because of who your father is. You're not the one who is being ignored just because something changed and one tiny little piece of information has risen to the surface!" I told him. "You just get to go on your merry way and things will oh so perfectly go back to the way they were before you disappeared."

"Jarred, stop it, please," Ma cut in. There were tears in her eyes, but I didn't care. I was sick and tired of holding it in, and nothing was going to stop me from getting it out then. Now, though, I regret it.

"Well, you know what, Rosto? Things ain't going to go back to that. They won't ever be the same, and no matter what you do, you'll still have me in the way of it, whether I'm here or not," I said.

"Where in the world is this coming from?" Ma asked. "What have Rosto and I done to you to make you this mad at us, Jarred? You know better than to take your frustration out on others. I taught you better." she continued softly. She wanted to understand, I could see that much on her face.

"It's because of you that my life is like this! It's because of you two that everyone hates me, and I can't so much as do the job that I used to love without being reminded by someone that I don't belong. And they're right. I don't belong. I'm something between a Rat and a Dog that shouldn't exist, in more than one way. To them, what I am is an abomination, and I haven't done anything wrong," I said. Then I turned and walked away. I stormed out of the Dove and got away as fast as I could. I couldn't stay there any longer with Rosto glowering at me and Ma in tears over what had been said.

I made my way out of Corus and toward the lake I had gone to when I was little, where I had gone with my friends only barely more than a week ago. I knew I had acted badly, but I was so angry that I couldn't even think of going back to the Dove, much less when Rosto and Ma were probably talking about what had happened. Worse, there were more than just the two of them to witness this outburst. Corcoran and the kitchen gixies were there, and they undoubtedly heard the whole thing.

I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. Not even Piper followed me after that. I was alone when I reached the lake. I can safely say that I spent the next five or six hours there. That lake – whatever its name may be – is a very calming place. I never really noticed, mainly because I was usually too busy playing or spending time with my friends.

Either way, it gave me plenty of time to think about everything, and even more time to feel guilty about it. I really want too far when I said all of that, and it was just plain horrible at times.

By the time I went back to the Dove, Ma and Rosto had disappeared, and Corcoran didn't have the faintest clue as to where they'd gone. Or, if he did, he wasn't going to tell me. Fair enough. After all, I'd gotten them mad, yelled at them, and started quite a row. I'd probably best be going – baton practice again. When does it end? I'm really getting tired of this. All of it, too, not just the baton practice. Why did I decide to become a Dog again? Oh. I was actually good at it until now. Right.

I hate this. I really do.


	10. Insult to Injury

**September 20, 267**

After Watch

As far as this goes, my life as a Dog is officially over. I've just been given a worse fate than actually being kicked out. I'm on probation. For. No. Bloody. Reason. I just basically got kicked out, and no one who has ever been put on probation has ever been let back into the Dogs. Ever.

Being on probation means that I'm suspended from Watch. I'm not allowed to go to baton practice, go on Watch with my Dogs, submit reports, or even work on our case. And I was the only reason we were getting anywhere.

After a usual night of dead ends and Rat chasing, we got back to the Kennel to see a very somber faced Goodwin waiting for us. Instantly, we all knew something was going on. And it wasn't anything good by the look of it. She gave me a sad look and I froze. I knew it was about me just by that.

When all of the Watch had returned, Goodwin cleared her throat. But instead of the usual dismissal, she said something else, pulling a paper off of her desk.

"It is with great sorrow that I must announce this. Trainee Guardsman Jarred Cooper, please step forward," she said. I frowned at her. I did as I was told, though. "Effective immediately, you are hereby suspended of any duties among the Provost's Guard, pending further investigation into the matter," she said calmly. I stared at her.

" _What_?" I demanded. I think my voice cracked just then to add insult to injury. Ugh.

"I'm sorry, Jarred, but you've been put on probation," Goodwin told me. She looked genuinely sorry, but that didn't change anything.

"I'm on probation?" I asked in disbelief. She nodded. "Why?"

"It has been reported to the Watch Commander that you're likely to turn Rat all together, and that you can't be trusted. Someone has reported that you're the reason why all of the dead ends have been coming up in the Sleeper Case," she told me. "I don't believe them, Jarred, but it's not my choice," she added in a softer tone. I continued to stare at her.

"What do you mean I'm on probation for that? I would never do that," I said. "I'm a Dog, through and through. Just because my father happens to be the Rogue – who I didn't know for almost eighteen years – that doesn't mean I'll turn traitor, which is exactly what this is implying!" I objected.

"I'm sorry, Jarred, that's just the way it is," Goodwin said sympathetically. "There's nothing I can do about it."

"As sure as a rat's tail, you can't. You're the Watch Sergeant. You have some sort of power!"

"You're mistaken, Jarred. I'm just a desk sergeant with no real power. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave. We'll make sure you know about anything important that happens as far as this goes, but please, for your own sake, stay out of Dog work until you're allowed back."

I opened my mouth to argue with her again when the door to the Watch Commander's office opened. Tristan of Masbolle, Commander of the Lower City's Evening Watch, stood in the doorway. He's a tall cove with dark brown hair had bright blue eyes. I had never seen him before. He usually came and went without the Dogs around, and I had never been asked into his office. Actually, I had been excluded every time Rinny and Tay had ever been called in there.

"Cooper. Enough," he said calmly. I glared at him. "Sergeant Goodwin had nothing to do with this, and you're digging yourself into a hole here. You've been put on probation because there are multiple accusations that you've been intentionally hindering the investigation f the Sleeper Case. Several people – at least one among the Dogs in addition to those – have come forward. Until the accusations are proven wrong, you're off the case, and I must kindly ask you to leave the case alone, and to leave the Kennel," he continued.

There was a long moment where he watched me intently while I glared at him before I turned on my heel and left the Kennel. I walked back to the Dove before anything else could happen. I was fuming, much like yesterday after Rosto and I had that fight. Only worse. And I still hadn't seen him since that argument at that point. Of course, I had been avoiding him all day today, so that was probably why I hadn't seen him.

I thrust the door of the Dove open the moment I reached it. The place was mostly empty, and Rosto was talking good-naturedly with Aniki, Corcoran, and Bold Brian. They all turned to look at me as I stormed towards the stairs. I could see Rosto's expression turn into a frown out of the corner of my eye.

"Jarred, is something wrong?" he asked me. I rounded on him.

"Of course something's wrong! What else could it be, do you think?" I demanded.

"What is it, son?" he asked, concern filtering into his expression.

"I'm on probation," I spat. Rosto's frown deepened.

'Why are you on probation?" he asked.

"You've ruined everything! Before this, I was the son of the Wolfhound. Not I'm just the Rogue's whelp!" I snapped. Rosto stared at me. I could see hurt in his eyes. "Worse," I added. "They think I'm you."

I spun on my heel and ran up the stairs before Rosto could say anything else, slamming the door to my room behind me. Piper looked at me with reproach in her bronze eyes.

"What?" I demanded. Piper's ears went back and she pushed herself up from the bed, padding over to the door. She pawed at the wood, asking to be let out. I made a face and opened it for her. She looked back at me once, then scampered down the stairs. Even my dog has abandoned me. I love my life.

So, I'm completely alone now. I haven't heard a thing from outside, so obviously Rosto and Ma haven't come up, and I know Ma is home by now unless she's still talking to Goodwin and Tunstall, which is entirely possible.

And it's not just literally that I'm saying that I'm alone. No one who has ever been put on probation in the whole of the history of the Provost's Guard has ever been allowed back. Basically, I'm done. I don't have a say in it. It's not even my fault. Everyone seems to think that suddenly, because now the fact that Rosto the Piper is my father has been revealed and confirmed, I'm going to turn Rat. They're wrong.

Just because Rosto is the Rogue, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to join the Rogue. I'm not him. I'm not Ma. I'm my own person. To assume that I'm just like one of them is just wrong. I'm not them. I've got my own choices to make, just like they made theirs. Their choices do not define me, who I will be, what I will do, or anything of the sort.

I don't understand this. It's unfair, and it's ridiculous. The only reason the investigation even got as far as it did is because of me. I would never intentionally hinder it, no matter what they think of me. I'm not going to turn traitor just because of Rosto. Obviously no one has heard that Rosto and I have been fighting so much lately. Idiots.

I'm going to bed. Before anything worse can happen.


	11. Complaints

**September 21, 267**

_Noon_

I hate my life. I hate what's happening to me. It's just not _fair._

So far, things have only gone poorly. I have a throbbing headache, I got knocked out of bed by the fuzzy bed hog in the middle of the night, I've been rained on, everyone's been avoiding me, and nothing has gone right.

I hate my life. What did I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything wrong of such a magnitude to possibly deserve this. Not even my fighting with Rosto is that bad. Okay, maybe I have gotten a little out of hand. But I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve last night.

I'm going to go find something else to do. Something that will preferably get rid of my headache…

_Late Afternoon_

Things are still not going well. I've been trying to get rid of a headache with little success. And I've been trying to find any instance of me acting like I would do anything the Dogs seem to think I would. I am empty handed after that search. I cannot figure out for the life of me why someone would accuse me of all people of turning Rat.

I think it has been pretty clear that I have had no interest in becoming like my father. Rosto has not been anything I have wanted to be no matter how long it has been. I never wanted to be a Rat. I never wanted anything to do with the Rogue.

At this point, the only thing I can think of is that it might be that someone is trying to get rid of me. That could mean many things. It could mean that there is someone inside the Dogs that is involved in the case that Tay and Rinny are working on right now. But why target me? Why not take out one of them? That wouldn't be that hard to do. Admittedly it was probably easier to get me out of the investigation and out of the Dogs in general because of my blood connection to the Rogue. Though, how they could pull it off with me being the son of the Terrier is beyond me.

Wait, no. That doesn't work. It doesn't help that my head is hurting, I suppose. Actually, that's making it harder to think. Today is just not my day. Then again, it doesn't seem like any day lately has been my day. At all.

I feel like all I'm thinking about is this. It's like an obsession that I can't break. It's been less than a day since I was put on probation and I can't stand it. I'm all jumpy and I can't even think straight. That would mainly be because of my head, but still. The only thing I can think about is why I'm stuck here. Rosto, people thinking that I will be just like him, and so on. I just cannot stop thinking about it and it is starting to drive me insane.

There is something seriously wrong here and I have no clue what it could possibly be. It's driving me crazy. I fell like it's right in front of me and I'm just not seeing it. I'm so frustrated right now and I cannot even figure out why.

_Night_

I am so bored. My headache is gone, which is good, but I don't have anything to do. I haven't seen Ma all day and I know she's already gone off to watch. So, I'm stuck here. And Rosto's downstairs having a grand old time with Aniki and the Court of the Rogue. It's not even his court again and he's as pleased as a cat that caught a mouse. Or Pounce when he's gotten into something he knows he shouldn't have and that Ma is going to be mad at him for sure.

So, I can't go downstairs and I have no one to talk to. Lovely. Piper won't even look at me right now. I'm surprised she slept in the bed with me last night at this point.

Have I said before that I hate my life? Well, I'm saying it again.

Bored. Ugh.

* * *

**September 22, 267**

_Morning_

I'm still bored. It hasn't gotten any better overnight. I think everyone is mad at me. Particularly because they haven't spoken to me since the night before last. What did I do wrong? It's not like I did anything un…wait, no. I did do something. Oops.

Now that I think about it-

_Afternoon_

I'm going to hurt Saul one of these days. He's almost as annoying as Lani's little brothers. Well, today he is. That would probably be because I'm not in the mood to be messed with today.

He decided to stop by and we ended up talking a bit. It wasn't much since he had to run off and do things for his father while they're in town, but still. I'm glad I got to see him at least. We didn't talk about anything of any importance, really, or I would write it down.

Actually, I don't even need to write anything down. I'm not a Dog anymore, so why should I?

_Night_

I changed my mind again. I've kind of become attached to these journals. It keeps me entertained and it does get the stress out. And it gives me a place to vent.

It took until dinner for Ma to talk to me. She said she was sorry for being busy today and yesterday, but that we were going to make my birthday enjoyable rather than as bad as the last few days. I hope she's right.

It turns out that it wasn't that they weren't talking to me, actually. It was just that they were all super busy with something. That would be things for tomorrow most likely.

My problem has still not been solved. I'm still bored out of my mind because everyone is busy.

I need to stop complaining. I'm doing it again. It's really rather annoying…


	12. Before the Storm

**September 23, 267**

Afternoon

Today is my birthday. Of all days to really be in my position, this is not the one I would have picked if I had been able to choose. Really, I wouldn't. Rosto's reappearance and everything have made things so...interesting, for lack of a better word. I really don't like it when things are like this. I really did not want to celebrate my birthday because of that.

Still, today was much better than I thought it would be, and if I'm not being so pessimistic, I suppose I should see it and say it that way. That would only be fair. I've been in such a bad mood lately that it's probably not even right the way I write most of this down - or at least the way I probably portray Rosto and what has been going on between us. I can honestly say that I really haven't been fair to him, but he hasn't been fair to me either. And I know that wasn't really intentional for the most part. Rosto does care about me and Ma and he wouldn't intentionally hurt her and, in extension, hurt me. It's not like he would really be that bad about anything. At least, I don't think so.

I don't know Rosto that well, though. I've only known him for a few months, and I know things aren't always as they seem. I've leaned that from Aniki and Phelan, because they were the mainly Rogue part of my upbringing, since Kora had long since left the Rogue when I was old enough to remember. They were also still living in the Dove, even though Kora and Ersken moved out when Lani was four or so.

I should probably stop being so...I dunno. Well, whatever I have been toward Rosto. He's been making an effort, as Ma said (we had another talk last night after she got back from Watch), and she is right. He tries, and I've just been rebuffing him after that fight we had a week ago.

Piper woke me up again this morning, as usual. She keeps doing that, and it's still just as annoying. This time, though, at least, she didn't knock me out of bed again, and she didn't actually tried to hog my bed last night. It's rather nice when she doesn't do that. Then I actually have a bed again, unlike when she's all flopped over on it and being her usual pup of a self. Despite all constellation attributes she has. After all, she - like Pounce - has managed to get out of locked rooms and through locked doors and windows. I still don't know how she does it, but I assume that it's some sort of magic associated with her being a constellation and all. I'm still not sure, though.

I am beyond thankful, though, that she didn't do that to me on my birthday of all days, and that the pigeons left me alone. They do go mostly to Ma, but the little flying rats won't leave me alone sometimes, particularly when she's not around for some reason or another. All I ever did to them was chase them when I was little, and they decided to attack me. Bloody birds. Sometimes I wish they would just go away and leave me in peace. Particularly the ones that like to bite me.

But, they weren't waiting for me outside my window or outside the Dove, which was good. I went ahead and ran to get the peaches Corcoran asked me to get, then headed back for breakfast. I gave him the change for the coin he gave me and went to get Piper so that I could feed her.

And wouldn't you know it, the little - actually, I shouldn't say little, as she's huge - brown lump had jumped up on my bed and was sleeping in the spot I'd left warm. She gave me the cutest look when I came in, and wagged her tail when I walked over to her.

 _Piper happy!_ she said when I looked at her. _And warm_ , she added, wagging her tail at me again. I shook my head, laughing at her. I reached out and petted her before I picked up a few things she'd knocked over, as usual. Still, it's not as bad as when she was a two month old pup who wanted to get into EVERYTHING and break all of it, too.

"I'm glad you're happy, Piper. At least you've made use of the bed when I wasn't in it," I teased slightly. Piper yipped happily and got up, jumping off of the bed. We headed downstairs and I took a seat at the counter while Piper padded into the kitchen to say good morning to the kitchen gixies, who I've probably failed to mention absolutely adore her. They usually give her scraps if Corcoran isn't looking. He loves to tease them about not being able to resist anything that has four legs and a tail. They used to feed Aniki's cat, Laddybuck, before he died. He was a sweet cat, too, when he wanted to be. He tried to eat me a couple of times when I was little. Still, I miss him. Kora's cat is still alive, but Fuzzball sleeps all the time, though his brood of kittens still scamper around the Westovers' when they're not catching things out in Kora's garden or running away.

After a few moments, Ma and Rosto appeared on the stairs and joined me, though they, as usual, went to the table instead of the counter.

After Corcoran began to finish up with the food he'd been preparing, he went ahead and took it to the table, which was an all too obvious hint that I needed to sit with my parents and be civil, since it was my birthday. I had no problem with that if Rosto would be civil to me, too. If he wasn't, Ma was going to be mad, though.

With a half-hearted sigh, I got up and walked over to get Piper some food before I went to join Ma and Rosto at the table. Ma smiled at me and got to her feet as I approached. She gave me a tight hug and pulled away to look at me a few moments later.

"Happy birthday, son," she said, kissing me on the cheek. I smiled back at her, unable to help it. She motioned for me to join them. Rosto nodded to me, but remained silent. He looked a little reluctant to speak up or anything.

"Thank you, Ma," I said cheerfully. She pushed a plate of hot apple fritters toward me, and I took one, unable to keep from chuckling for some reason. She knew me so well, that was for sure. Of course, it's a given that apple fritters are my favorite. Next, though, she pushed a plate of fried Yamani rolls toward me, still smiling. As she watched, I picked one up and popped it into my mouth. It tasted like an apple fritter. And it was better, I think. The rice in it was still moist, despite being dropped into heated oil and fried. The apple in the roll was beyond wonderful. But then, Corcoran is one of the best cooks in the whole of the City. Everyone knows that.

"These are really good," I commented. Rosto and Ma chuckled.

"Rosto here came up with them when we were in Port Caynn years ago. I had forgotten about them until last night," she told me. "I thought you might like them, since the fritters are your favorite," she told me. I grinned at her and nodded.

"Of course I like them. I like nearly everything that has apples in it, and anything that tastes like apple fritters," I agreed. "So, you had Corcoran make them for my birthday as a surprise?" I asked. Ma nodded.

"I thought you would like them, and this is a special day, after all," she told me. Rosto laughed, shaking his head at her for some reason. I ignored him.

"It's not that special," I protested. Ma chuckled.

"Of course it is. It's your eighteenth birthday," she reminded me. "Very few things are more special to me than my son's birthday, much less now," she pointed out. I couldn't help but continue to grin at her. I was a little bit embarrassed, I have to say. Ma loves to make a fuss about my birthday. I do wonder why, since she doesn't like to make a big deal about her birthdays. But that's Ma for you. She just doesn't like to make a fuss about her own birthday, I suppose. It's not that hard to understand, really, considering that she's a bit more sensitive about the whole age thing than I am. And she always made a big deal, anyway...probably because Rosto wasn't here to make sure that it was as big a deal as she wanted it to be.

Rosto just shook his head at her and stole one of the Peach Dragon's off of the plate that was close to him. Ma responded by rolling her eyes at him.

"I saw that," she said. Rosto about choked on the roll.

"I was aware of that, love," he replied. "And it's not going to make a lick of difference. I'm hungry, and you're holding up my breakfast by spoiling our son," he added. She kicked him and he yelped in protest.

"I'm not spoiling him, Rosto. It's his birthday," she snapped. Rosto winced.

"Sorry," he muttered. Ma shook her head.

"You should go wake Aniki up if you're going to be like that, Rosto," she told him, turning her attention back to me. I was trying not to laugh. They're greatly amusing for some reason. I haven't the faintest clue why. When they're bring mushy, it's disgusting, but when they banter, I get the feeling that they're just teasing each other, and playfully at that.

Rosto got up and headed upstairs, barely making a sound as he headed to the upper floor and Aniki's room. Aniki had gone to bed late last night. She and Phelan have been out running around and doing things now that Aniki isn't stuck at the Dove all or most of the night with the Court and Rosto is running most of it these days. She likes it better this way. Aniki never really liked being the Rogue as much as Rosto does, but he was practically born into it from what I've heard from her and Ma. Ma smiled at me again.

"What are you going to do for your birthday, do you think?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I dunno. Maybe just stay here at the Dove and relax. I don't really have all that much to do today since I don't have Watch later or anything," I replied. Ma shook her head.

"Oh? What are you thinking about doing, then? Just staying around here and lazing about? That's not like you at all," she said. I shrugged.

"There isn't much to do," I replied. Ma snorted and shook her head at me.

"There is always something to do," she pointed out. I chuckled.

"You're right," I agreed. "But would you have any suggestions on what we might do?" I asked. "I'd like to spend some time with you, if you have some free time today," I said. Ma's face lit up.

"Of course I have free time today, Jarred," she said. "I always have free time for you… You know that," she told me. "I'm never too busy for you, Jarred. I'll make time for you any time you want me to."

"Thanks, Ma," I said. "I was thinking maybe we could head over to the lake like we used to when I was younger," I continued. "And maybe see if the Westovers and Aniki and Phelan would want to go," I shrugged. Ma smiled at me.

"I think they would like that very much, Jarred," she told me. "Aniki was just telling me that she had been thinking about the 'good old days' as she called them yesterday. I don't see why she said 'the good old days' since none of us are exactly old, but you know her," Ma said. I laughed.

"You're not old," I insisted. "Rosto might be pushing it, but you're definitely not."

"Jarred..." Ma warned. I shrugged.

"What? He was complaining about his back last night. I could hear him through the floor," I told her.

"That was because I accidentally whacked him with my baton when I was polishing it and it slipped out of my hands when I was talking to him," she told me. I couldn't help laughing at that.

"Serves him right, then," I commented.

"Why do you have such a problem with your father, Jarred?" Ma asked. I shrugged again.

"He's controlling and he seems to think that I'll just fall right into place as he's rearranging his life. I'm not going to be controlled, Ma. I don't like it when people try to control me," I reminded her. She nodded.

"I understand," she said. "But you should still be nicer to him. He's trying his best, and this is just as hard for him as it is for you," she added. I nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

Of course, Ma," I agreed. "I'll try harder, if only for your sake. I'm sorry that we have been so disturbing to you lately," I apologized. Ma smiled weakly.

"It's not so much that you've been disturbing me, Jarred, it's just that I don't like to see the two of you fighting. I love you both very much and it hurts when you're bickering at each other like that for no reason," she said. I nodded again.

"I understand. I'll make a bigger effort to get along with him, if that's what you want," I said. Ma smiled again and leaned over to give me a hug.

"Thank you, Jarred. Now, let's not waste any more of your birthday on this discussion. This is a happy day, not one to be upset about anything. Just don't start another fight, because that will not make any of us happy," she said. I chuckled.

"Don't I know it," I replied. She just smiled and got up to go see about something in the kitchen... I don't know what it was, and it bothered me until I found out, because Ma was being very secretive about it. (I didn't find out until much later) I always hated when she did that when I was little, but it's worse now. Now she just tells me to be patient and distracts me as best she can, which doesn't usually work.

By the time Rosto came back down, he looked a little irritated. It took Aniki and Phelan a while to actually come downstairs after that, which Rosto really didn't appreciate at all. I could snack on things, since Ma insisted, but they usually wait until everyone is actually downstairs and waiting to eat.

Breakfast was a relatively quiet affair, though Aniki and Phelan did make a point to make a big deal (just like Ma) about my birthday. Admittedly, it was the most fun I've had at the Dove in a long time. Since Rosto and I started fighting, actually. It's rather nice to have breakfast without being in a bad mood because one of us started something. Still, he was relatively quiet through the whole thing. Most of what he said was to Ma about something they wouldn't tell me about at the time. They were planning something (I could tell) but I couldn't figure out what it was. It turns out, though, that Ma was having Corcoran prepare one of my favorites - the roast pheasant that he makes every once in a while that has an herb and bread stuffing. It's probably one of my most favorite things to have for dinner, but pheasant isn't really that easy to get your hands on sometimes in the city.

After breakfast, we headed upstairs and Piper went in search of 'Cat-cat' so that she could torture him undoubtedly. I heard a clatter in Kora's old room not too long after that, so that's probably where he was hiding. Piper loves to play with Pounce, though he really doesn't like her. But then, he's probably spent a whole lot of time with her before, since they were both in the sky until whenever he came to Ma, which was obviously long before she met Rosto. Either way, Piper is usually pretty insistent about playing with him no matter what he – or anyone – does. Usually she ends up chasing him around the Dove, which only makes Rosto groan about the scratches Piper's claws make in the wood. He's really particular about his inn for some reason. He even went so far as to have the front entryway redone, if I didn't mention that before. He was very unhappy about the scuffing on the wood, and he just had to have it fixed. Ma and I laughed at him for that, just because he was being so finicky about it, and it was funny.

After that, all of us, Rosto and Piper included, headed to the lake after Aniki ran over to see about Kora and Ersken joining us. Apparently Kora had decided that she was going to put Lani and Cel in charge of the shop today anyway, so she was perfectly willing to join us with the three younger children.

It was a nice trip to the lake. It was amazing how even Ma and Aniki and Rosto all got in the lake and actually started a water war like my friends and I did when we went last. Rosto was on the losing side most of the time, getting ganged up on by all of the mots and Phelan. Ersken just laughed and got splashed by Rosto most of the time, when they weren't pushing him (Rosto) underwater and splashing him. He had a great time, though. I even lent him a hand a couple of times.

It was very funny to watch, though, when Ma jumped on him and both of them fell over and landed in the water with a splash. Rosto came up spluttering, but Ma was laughing - choking on water, but laughing. I couldn't help but find that amusing. Until Rosto started splashing me, that is. Then it turned into an all out water war between the two of us. Aniki and Phelan started splashing him for that, but Ma joined him. Eventually, the only way I could get him to stop was to start pushing him toward the deeper water. Rosto knew what I was doing, too. When it was about up to my waist, I ducked under water. It took me a minute, since the water wasn't as clear as it really could be, but I grabbed his leg and pulled him underwater.

Unfortunately, that started a bit of a wrestling match. Not smart in the deep water. Ma, Aniki, and Phelan laughed at us as I tried to keep him underwater as much as possible as and he tried to do the same thing. Typically, it only made both of us choke on water, but it was worth it, because I won, even if he let me. Either way, it ended up being that Ma had to break it up and make us stop before someone got hurt.

We left the lake once all of us were tired and Ma had had enough of me and Rosto trying to start water wars again. We started about five more before all of us were really tired of them. Of course, by that time, Rosto had left the lake and was sitting in the shade, since he was worried about getting burned even with the cream Ma had for both of us. After Ma had broken up the last water war, he'd said he was going to sit out acos he could feel the sun burning already. I guess that makes me a little luckier since I didn't have to worry about it as much. And I don't think I really had a problem, other than the light sunburn on my back that I'm not too worried about.

We headed back to the Dove and all of us got cleaned up after that. Then Ma sent me out to get a few things, thought I could tell that she was hiding something and wasn't going to tell me what it was. So, I just went ahead and did what she wanted me to instead of arguing or trying to get it out of her. Ma is very good about keeping secrets.

When I got back, Ma met me at the door and made me close my eyes. She even put her hands over my eyes so I couldn't see just to make sure. I was rather confused, but I went along with it. When Ma has her mind set on something she usually gets it, no matter what it is.

When she took her hands away from my eyes, I was a little disoriented for a moment, but the sight in front of me was what really startled me. Kora, Ersken, Aniki, Phelan, Alania, Cel, Robbie, Elaine, and Rosto were all waiting for me. And apparently, they had decided to surprise me. There were several wrapped gifts, and, as it was dinner time by this point, the roasted pheasant that Corcoran had made was sitting on the same table, as well as a few other dishes, like the seasoned potatoes and a few other things. I was rather startled.

"Come on, Jarred," Ma prompted. "Don't just stand there and be shocked," she told me. I laughed at her, shaking my head.

"I knew you were up to something," I said. "So you decided to throw a party, just because it was my birthday?" I asked. Ma nodded.

"Of course. I don't see why you don't like to make a big deal about this," she replied. "It's your birthday, after all," she said. I shook my head at her. "You're worse than your father," she chided.

"What?" I asked.

"Rosto hates making a big deal about his birthday, too. He didn't even tell me what day it was until I made him...and when Aniki mentioned that it was coming up around Midwinter and he hadn't told me. I was pretty annoyed with him then," she told me. Rosto rolled his eyes at her, and shook his head.

"You really should stop telling him stories," he told her.

"Look who's talking. You were telling him stories not long after you two met," she reminded him. Rosto just shook his head again and headed over to the counter to try to pester something to drink out of Corcoran.

"Happy birthday, Jarred," Alania said, smiling at me. I smiled back at her.

"Thank you, Lani," I said. I glanced at the others for a moment, wondering what I should do. Aniki was smiling at me. She moved over to the small pile of gifts and picked up one of them. It wasn't that large, but it looked somewhat substantial. I tilted my head as I looked at it before she handed it to me.

"Go ahead and open it. It's from me and Phelan," she told me. "I think you'll like it," she added, kissing me on the cheek. Now I wanted to know what it was. I pulled off the string and tried very carefully not to tear the paper around it too much. Beneath the wrappings, there was a nice leather collar with a tiny silver plaque on it that read 'Piper' and a leash of high quality black leather. It had to have cost more than I would have gotten paid in a week from the craftsmanship. There was an imprinted chain of flowers around the collar, ending at each side of the marker.

"Thank you, Aniki, Phelan," I said. "This is fantastic - Piper has been needing a new collar anyway, and this is absolutely beautiful," I added. Aniki beamed at me while Phelan smiled slightly.

"Nothing is too good for you, Jarred," Aniki said. "After all, you're our godschild," she pointed out. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Still, thank you. This is wonderful. I don't think Piper's going to be able to get away from me again with this," I told them, giving Piper a look. She wagged her tail at me as if nothing was wrong, and she couldn't do anything wrong. I rolled my eyes at her. She thinks she can get away with everything. Rather annoying, if you ask me. She's just too cute for her own good.

"Do you want dinner or to open more of the gifts?" Ma asked, nudging me slightly. I put my arm around her and gave her a hug, just because I could.

"I think dinner would be best now. I'm dying to have some of that pheasant," I said. "Besides, it's best if we eat it before it gets cold," I said. Ma nodded and smiled at me.

Dinner was loud, which is unusual when the Dove isn't open. Usually it's quiet and just us, but with the Westovers and my friends, that wasn't exactly likely to happen that way. Still, we all enjoyed ourselves and they continued to congratulate me on my eighteenth birthday. I was starting to understand why Rosto didn't like to make a big deal about his birthdays if this was how they treated him, too. Usually it wasn't such a big deal. They went farther with this one than they usually would for some reason. I haven't the faintest clue as to why. But, I'm not going to complain - it makes Ma happy, and that's what I like to see.

After dinner, they made me open the rest of the presents. Ma gave me a nice new leather bound journal with my name stamped in it, and a new set of really nice quills and a new vial of ink. They were all amazingly nice, and far better than I could ever have allowed myself to buy. She knew I'd love it, too, because she was ecstatic with my reaction of surprised glee. I get the feeling that I'm going to need it in the next couple of months, and Ma had gone all out. I had to wonder how much that cost, too. They really spent far too much money on me. Really.

Kora and Ersken gave me a set of Kora's charms - one to keep muck off of my clothing, one to detect poisons and other things in food, one to detect harmful magics, and a couple of others that I'm going to have to have Kora remind me the purpose of later. Alania, though, gave me a silver necklace that had a falcon charm on it with a nice chain that I actually don't mind wearing. Most of the time, I don't like necklaces because they're too feminine, but that one was actually very nice. This one, I will definitely wear, and not just because it was Alania who gave it to me.

Robbie apparently decided I needed a set of lockpicks. So, he gave me a nice set that he had helped make when he was working as an apprentice to the blacksmith a few months ago, before that whole fiasco happened. What he thought I'd need lockpicks for is beyond me. They're actually illegal as far as the Dogs go. But I'm not a Dog anymore, so it doesn't matter.

Actually, I know that Ma has a set of lockpicks up in her room. I ran across those when I was little and she had left them out. I had always wondered what they were, and I finally asked her when I was thirteen. And then she made me promise not to tell anyone, just because she really wasn't supposed to have them. But having lived with Rosto for as long as she did, it doesn't surprise me now that I look back on it. She probably got them from him to begin with. I haven't actually bothered to ask, so I wouldn't know.

Rosto, though, was probably the oddest. With the way we've been fighting these last few days, I had no idea that he was actually planning on giving me anything, nor did I expect it. Honestly, I didn't expect to be given so much for just a birthday. Midwinter, maybe, but not for my birthday. Still, it was very kind of him.

He gave me a set of a dozen throwing knives. They weren't outrageously expensive ones (which I'm thankful for), but they were nice. The hilts had little falcon symbols on there, which made me wonder about the significance. Rosto just shrugged when I asked him.

"They caught my eye, and they're nicely weighted. Beka said you liked a good knife," he said. Still, I was surprised, and not only because of the falcon being on there, just like it was on the pendant Lani picked out.

I'll have to stop now – there's someone at my door. I'm mostly done anyway, but this doesn't sound good.


	13. Crash and Burn

**September 23, 267**

Late

It was so strange seeing Ma like that. She's never been helpless. She always hated being or seeming helpless and had never let it happen to her. I think she had gone through enough of it when she was pregnant with me that she just wouldn't have any of it after that. That's Ma for you.

But seeing her on that bed, so still…it was unnerving. Her hand was icy cold when I touched it tentatively. I couldn't help but draw back – it was all instinct. It was very wrong for her to be like that. It was like so many others I'd seen, though. Just like them. And it's just so wrong – I can't get that out of my head. I can't seem to close my eyes without seeing them anymore. I'm not allowed to do anything, but it's killing me.

Ma is gone. The Dogs won't be able to find the antidote in time – they can't even figure out what's on the darts. Because of that, Ma is as good as dead. All of them are as good as dead as long as the Dogs don't let me help them.

I don't know if I can deal with it like this much longer. I'm losing everything to this case. Everything. My job, Ma, and, slowly, I'm losing Rosto, too. I haven't said anything about what happened today – because of this, Rosto and I have made up. Because of what happened to Ma. The fact that it's my birthday has nothing to do with it. It only makes it worse.

I was up in my room, writing up the other account when a runner knocked on my door. I opened it, unable to keep from frowning. Piper was just behind me as I did so.

"Master Cooper?" he asked, breathless. I nodded.

"That's me. What is it?" I responded. There was a pause while the lad caught his breath.

"You're wanted at the Jane Street Kennel. There's something gone wrong there," he told me. Adrenaline shot through me. There was nothing that they would have called me to the Kennel for that wasn't absolutely horrible. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened.

"Thank you," I said, flipping the lad a coin from my pocket. I grabbed my daggers and pushed past him, closing my door behind Piper as she scampered out behind me.

I raced through the Lower City. There's no other way to put it. I ran as hard as I could, not caring who I pushed out of the way, reaching out with my Gift as I did so. There was nothing that I could feel that had changed. It still felt very wrong. But no more wrong than it had felt before.

When I got the Kennel, I pushed through the door, and stopped dead. The Dogs were mostly up against one wall. I frowned at that, until I followed their gaze to the healer's beds. Rosto was already sitting there, looking so forlorn that it wasn't even something that really hit me. I stared at him, then my eyes finally landed on what was causing him to be so forlorn. Ma's nearly motionless form was on the bed, still attired in her Dog uniform.

I stared for a moment, then walked over softly. Rosto didn't so much as move. He looked so lost sitting there, holding her hand. I could see tears rimming his dark eyes – and he didn't care if anyone saw him. He knew he had probably just lost Ma again. He already knew that she probably wouldn't make it, because there is no antidote, and the victims are already dying. There was such hopelessness in his eyes that I could barely stand it – I felt like my own heart was breaking twice over.

It just wasn't fair. It isn't fair. But then, nothing that has happened to me in the last few weeks is. Nothing has been going well, and this…well... This was the worst thing that could have happened. Nothing could be worse than this. There has never been a time more than a couple of days that I've gone without seeing my mother. Now I'm going to lose her, and there's nothing that I can do to stop it. She's going to die a slow, horrible death. And it's because of the Dogs. Because they're stupid enough to listen to what everything else said instead of listening to their own instincts, particularly about me.

I'm not saying that if they hadn't put me on probation, this might not have happened, but it might have changed things. It might have given Ma a chance.

I hate this. I hate feeling so powerless to save her. And I know Rosto hates this, too. He lived eighteen years without her after it took him so long to win her. He waited for her, then she was taken away from him. And when he had finally gotten her back she was taken again.

He looked up at me when I sat down opposite him. The look in his eyes scared me. There was no hope…no light, like I'd come to expect from him. His eyes were so sad, lost, that I could feel my own eyes stinging.

"I'm losing her, Jarred," he said softly. "I'm losing her again. And I just got her back," he whispered. I nodded.

"I know, Rosto. I'm losing her, too. I've never been so much as a few days without her…and now she's dying…" I replied. He shook his head.

"You don't understand, son. She is my life. I love Beka more than anything else in the world…more than life itself…more than once, I've risked my life for her…and more than once, she's saved me from what I've done," he told me.

"She's always said you were a good man," I couldn't help but say.

"Only because of her," he said. "She saved me from what I was becoming. Beka loved me when I didn't deserve it…" he added, shaking his head. "I can't lose her, Jarred. Not again. Not now…"

"I know," I assured him. "I know, Rosto. Ma is the most important person in my life, too. I don't know what it's like to be without her…" I told him. Rosto looked back at her, sighing heavily. He reached out and tenderly brushed strands of hair away from Ma's face.

"I've loved her for twenty years, Jarred," he reminded me. "I've loved her since the day we met, because of the way she is. She has always been the one to fight for the Lower City. She's what inspired me…what made me really think about taking my throne. If it wasn't for her, I would never have become the Rogue. I did it for her. Your mother cared more about the people of the Lower City than she did about anyone or anything else," he continued. He looked back at me and met my eyes. "I'm not proud of everything I've done. Everyone in this room knows that I have made mistakes, I have killed people, and I have done some horrible things. I am not proud of that. I _am_ proud of who I became for your mother's sake. She made me a better man. A man that I can be proud of."

There were several moments of silence before Rosto looked back at Ma. His grief was so tangible at that moment, as he watched her. I looked at him, then over at the Dogs gathered. They were watching us warily. I couldn't help but notice that Rinny and Tay were not among them, and neither was Ersken.

I looked back at Rosto to find him looking at me again. His dark eyes were sharp – grief-filled, but sharp. I could tell that he had an idea. I was about to ask him what he had come up with when someone put their hand on my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a Dog uniform, but I couldn't see who it was. I was out of my seat in an instant and glaring at the offender. It was Goodwin.

"Jarred-" she started. I cut her off.

"No, don't touch me. I've had enough of you Dogs," I snapped. Goodwin looked startled.

"But-"

"I said, _don't touch me_!" I shouted. I turned to glare at all of them. "I am bloody tired of all of this! I'm sick of this meddling, this insistence on judging people for something they can't control. You lot are the most prejudiced of all – you've basically kicked out the one person who would never betray the Dogs, no matter what happened. You've made a point of what you think: I don't belong here, or anywhere. Just because of a fact that was obvious to all of you, though most of you chose to ignore it. Just because Rosto wasn't here to confirm it.

"When I was little, I always thought the Dogs were the avatars of justice, the ones who could do no wrong. Obviously I was wrong. The Dogs are as bad as the Rats in this city. For all they say they're doing the right thing, they don't. They ostracize people for things that are ridiculous, without so much as judging their character. They chose to persecute people who are doing just as much, if not more for the Lower City than they are.

"If I were you, I would start thinking about the job all of you are doing. Maybe you don't see it anymore, but it's still a fact. Maybe being a Dog isn't what it used to be. Maybe there are other things worth doing. Now, I say it one last time. Leave me alone. I will not have anything to do with you lot as long as the attitudes are the same," I said. While all of them stared at me, I sat back down, turning back to Ma and Rosto. Rosto was watching me, a glint in his eyes. He looked over at the Dogs with a cool gaze.

"He's right," he said. "I agree with everything my son has said, and more. He's a good man, not like what you seem to think of him. Jarred would never have betrayed you, for all my influence. He has been completely against turning Rat since the day we returned. And you've wronged him more than anyone else could have," he told them. I almost smiled at him. Almost. It was very kind of him to speak up, much less on my behalf.

"Until this mess is cleared up, things will not be going well for you Dogs," he added, almost threateningly. "I've had about enough, as well. All I will have to do with you is coming and going to see my wife, for which you cannot arrest me. You try, someone dies," he told them. "And I won't be the one with the knife in my throat," he added, returning his attention to Ma a moment later.

I can honestly say that after tonight, my whole perception of Rosto has changed. He's not who I thought he was, that's for sure. He is not the one I should have been blaming this whole time. He doesn't deserve to be blamed for anything that has happened to me. Everyone had practically figured it out, and all. No one was willing to acknowledge that I was obviously the Rogue's son, for all my mother was a Dog. It really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Maybe everyone just wanted to think something different, because of who Ma was. I don't know. My thoughts are going all over, still. This just isn't fair. And on my birthday, no less. This was supposed to be a good day, a special day, despite all that has gone wrong in the last couple of weeks. I was supposed to be able to spend time with Ma and my friends, and have a good day.

There was a long silence in the Kennel after me and Rosto were done talking. No one was brave enough to speak up. It was a long time before Tay, Rinny, and Ersken showed up again. Ersken had obviously gone home to tell Kora, but it was because how upset he was. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked tired. Ersken is about Ma's age, and I've never seen him look tired – not like that. This is taking a toll on all of us, I know that.

It wasn't until the healer came over to us and laid a hand on Rosto's shoulder that either of us paid any attention to anything else.

"There's nothing more I can do for her," the healer said. "And there's nothing that the two of you can do for her sitting there like that," she said. "You two should go home and get some sleep. Things will look different in the morning."

With a sigh, Rosto rose. He leaned down and kissed Ma's forehead, looking at her with a sad look before he turned away.

"Come on, Jarred," he said quietly. "Let's go home." I nodded, then followed him toward the door to the Kennel. I paused next to a very shocked Goodwin for a moment just as Tunstall came up behind her.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn't have been rude to you, but I had to say that. You and Tunstall are different. I hope you won't hold this against me," I told her softly. Goodwin offered me a weak smile and a very slight nod before I walked out of the Kennel after giving Ma a last look. I knew this was going to be hard, I just didn't know how hard. It's only been a few hours, now. I still can't believe that she's really gone, and that this happened to her of all people. Ma didn't deserve this. She was the Terrier, the Bloodhound…she was unbeatable, the best there was. And now she's just…gone…

"I'm sorry, Rosto," I said on the way home. "For everything I've said and done these last few weeks." Rosto glanced at me and nodded.

"Forget about it," he said. "I deserved it," he told me. "I've made a few bad choices in my life, but loving your mother was never one of them. Becoming a Rat might have been, but then I wouldn't have had her for the time I did," he continued. I sighed.

"I know. And that's why it was so wrong of me. I should have respected you and the choice you – and Ma – made. If it wasn't for those choices I wouldn't be here. And you most certainly didn't deserve for me to yell at you like that. I was wrong of me," I said. Rosto snorted.

"I've been wronged many times, my lad, but there are a couple of people I can always forgive, and you're one of them," he told me. "I love you – you're my son. For all our choices have come between us, I'm not angry. I'm not bitter. I'm grieving, yes, but that is not for you. It's for the loss of the love of my life," he said, shaking his head. "I don't know if I can live without her again," he added. "I don't think I can…"

I couldn't help but nod. How many times have I said it so far tonight? I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over and over again. I probably am. But I have to get this out. It's real, and I can't feel it. I don't think I even believe it, even though I saw her. Ma can't be gone. She just can't be.

"There's still hope," I told him. "Ma isn't dead yet. There's no way I'm going to let her die without a fight. I promise you that." Rosto stopped walking and turned to look at me for a moment before he nodded, a faint light flickering in his eyes.

"If you still have hope, then maybe it's not gone," he said, turning to walk again. Silence followed us the rest of the way back to the Dove.

I'm going to bed. Maybe when I wake up, I'll find that this was all a dream. I hope it was.


	14. In the Presence of Absence

**September 24, 267**

It's hard for me to even write right now. I hate what's going on. I hate it more than anything. I wish Ma was here. Rosto has been miserable all day and for good reason. I would do the same if I was in his position. I've been out practicing with my daggers for the last hour or so at this point. I really have nothing to do, so I spent the day with Rosto Da. I need to start calling him that. This may take some time to get used to.

Things have been a bit rough for all of us today, not just me and Da. Aniki has already told me that she will hit me if I so much as write down how she has been acting today, if that's any indication. Though, exactly how she would know is beyond me, since no one comes into my room anyway.

Nothing seems to be right anymore. There's something more in the air, but I can't even identify it. It's fleeting, like there is something that I need to do but I never quite know what it is.

Not that I can actually do anything useful in the position I'm in right now. I'm trying to make the best of it, but I wanted to be a Dog for my whole life and now it's out of reach in a way that it never was before. Now that Ma has been attacked, it's making everything so much harder. I don't want to just sit here and do nothing. I want to do something, but I've already been told that if I try to work on this case, I get to spend the night in the Cages. Lovely thought, isn't it?

I think the Dogs are cracked with the way they're acting. Of all people, I never would have betrayed them, no matter who Da ended up being. They wouldn't have kicked me out if he had been someone else. If he had been a trader, no one would have batted an eye. If he had been anyone but the Rogue from twenty years ago, there would not have been a single person who would have said a thing.

The fact that they didn't do anything to Ma for consorting with people like Rosto the Piper of all people is also beyond me. I can't help who I'm related to, but she made the choice to marry him. Not like I did anything like that.

Back to what I was saying, preferably before I fall asleep.

I don't know what's going on, but it made it so that I couldn't sleep last night. I spent most of the night attempting to get some measure of sleep (because I know Ma would want me to). Between the strange feeling I've had since last night and the images of Ma like she was, it was impossible to even contemplate sleep. I tried, I really did. It just didn't work out very well. I'm exhausted because of it, but that's beyond the point right now.

When I went downstairs this morning, I found Da sitting at the table already. He was picking at the plate in front of him with distaste, despite what was on the plate. Corcoran had made Yamani rolls and even some of those Peach Dragon rolls to try to cheer him up. It didn't seem to be working from the looks of it.

"Morning," I said as I walked by on my way to the counter. Da didn't even look up or answer. So we were back to that again. Wonderful.

After a long moment, he sighed. "I would say good morning, but I can't find a good thing about it," he said. I couldn't think of a thing to say for a moment, but I was saved from having to by Aniki dragging Kora into the inn.

"See," she said. "He's been like this all morning, Kora." Kora shook her head at the two of them and made her way over to him. He glanced at her and put the fork down.

"Do you want to talk about it, Rosto?" she inquired. He shook his head and said something in Scanran. I hate it when they do that. I don't understand a lick of the language from that awful country. I hope I never have to go there again.

"Say it in Common," Kora told him. Da gave her a slightly annoyed look.

"Fine. No, I do not want to talk about it," he replied in Common.

Of course he didn't want to talk about it. (And of course he wouldn't want but two people to hear him admit that he did not.) Da is losing Ma. Right after he got her back.

To be quite honest, I don't think it's fair at all. This is hard for me because she's my mother. I've lived with her my whole life and I love her. She's been everything for me since I was born. He spent my whole life in a cell half the size of my room, and not by any choice of his own. Because a complete cracknob wanted petty revenge.

That aside, he spent almost eighteen years away from Ma after they had only been together for a couple of years at the most.

He lost everything. He lost the Rogue – the place that he belonged and where he could make a difference. He was good at that. He was loved, even. I've heard talk before that he was the best Rogue in decades. Aniki is good, but everyone told stories about Rosto the Piper and his reign as King of Thieves. The people who knew him never forgot him and they made sure that no one forgot him. He was the man who ended the tyranny of Kayfer Deerborn. Even the Terrier had respect for him. He helped the people of the Lower City and the whole of Corus when they needed it.

Now that I'm looking back on it, I can't believe that it took me so long to figure out that he was my father, even though I never met him. The way people would talk about him – and about the way he looked – I should have known. It makes sense. That's why Ma would never talk about him. She was still mourning him even after so long. She was still hurt and seeing me – though I know she loved me – didn't help because of how much I look like my father. In the end, it was mainly because she wanted to protect me from something like this happening. She knew what would happen if people found out.

I wish this had never happened to her. Honestly, if it had to be one of us, I wish it had been me. Ma is better at all of this than I am and she wasn't backed into a corner like I am. I don't have a lot of choices open to me right now. I can't be involved in the case by helping, I can't do anything, really. I'm itching to do something. I want to save Ma, but I don't know how.

She didn't deserve this. She deserves to be able to be with Da. Just like he deserves to be able to be with her. What happened isn't fair to either of them. Rosto Da should have been able to life his life in peace. Now, unless someone figures something out, that can never be.

Kora let out a sigh. "Rosto, we know this is hard for you. We watched Beka when you disappeared. We know what it's like, even if it was only from supporting her. But you can't shut us out. That won't help at all. You need to talk about it. We know how to make you talk. If you don't, Aniki will ban you from the Rogue until you do," she said. That made Da furious. Kora and Aniki both winced under the glare he gave them

"So you two think you can just force me to tell you something I don't want to talk about? No. You both know that if I don't want to talk about it, I won't. Leave me be," he said. Aniki let out an exasperated noise, then tried to reason with him.

"Rosto, please," she started.

"No. Leave me be," he repeated. "I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me. That is all I've gotten since I got back. People look at me and they don't see the Rogue anymore. They see an old man trying to relive his glory days. I'm sick of it! And now I've lost Beka on top of that. I don't want your pity. I do _not_ want to talk about it."

Aniki and Kira stared at him for a long moment. "Alright," Kora said finally, her voice nearly inaudible. Rosto watched her silently for a few moments before he rose and disappeared upstairs again.

"Well, that was not the best idea I've had lately," Aniki commented.

"You think?" Kora asked, rolling her eyes at Aniki. "That was probably the worst thing we could have done. Rosto has never exactly been open with his thoughts. The only person who used to be able to get him to talk was Beka. She even got him to tell her about his past, which he never told us about, I will remind you."

Aniki sighed. "I know, I know. But this is Rosto. He's nothing if not resilient," she replied. Kora shook her head.

"This is different, Aniki," she said softly. "Rosto has been through so much since we knew him. Since we really knew him, I mean. He's not the same man he was twenty years ago. Being with Beka changed him. Spending eighteen years imprisoned changed him even more. We cannot rely on him to act like he used to. He is not that person anymore. We cannot continue to treat him as if things haven't changed. He's loosing the one person he loves more than anything in the world. How would you feel if you lost Phelan?" she asked. Aniki watched her for a moment, then nodded.

"You have a point," she admitted. "I keep expecting him to be the same and you're right. He's not the same person anymore. He's been through more than you and I could ever imagine and he's come out of it with a few lines, a few grey hairs, and some scars. He's alive, he's not afraid. He's stronger than anyone gives him credit for. Most people would have gone insane in his position. But he didn't…" she said. "I admire him for that. I couldn't have done that. And he's well on his way to taking his throne back…" Kora nodded and shrugged as Phelan appeared on the stairway.

"What did I miss?" he asked as he headed over to Aniki and kissed her on the cheek. "Rosto did not look happy when I saw him a few moments ago," he added. Aniki let out a soft sigh.

"We tried to get him to talk and he did not want to," she replied. Phelan paused and shook his head at her.

"I could have told you that wasn't going to work," he said. "Particularly when Beka's incapacitated as she is. Nothing's going to get him to talk 'cept maybe the kid," he added, nodding toward me. Both Kora and Aniki looked over at me. I could see the wheels turning in their heads just by the looks on their faces.

"Oh, no. I am not helping you two," I told them. "I have better things to do with my time than to be nosy and try to get him to talk when he doesn't want to."

"Jarred, please," Aniki said. "He'll talk to you – you already know that," she added.

"Not happening," I replied. "I am not going to force my father to talk about something he doesn't want to talk about. He has the right to keep his thoughts to himself. Whatever he does share with me is not something I'm going to tell either of you about anyway," I added. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to eat my breakfast."

Surprisingly, they actually let me eat in peace and then go upstairs. Piper happily followed, though even she was a bit subdued with Ma's absence. She knows what's going on. She's a constellation, after all. She tried to keep people cheered up, though, by getting them to pet her and everything.

I spent most of my day cleaning out things in my room since I had nothing better to do. Rosto has been upstairs all day. I haven't a clue what he's been doing, but I'm going to go upstairs when I'm done writing to make sure he's okay. He's been moving around a bit, that much I can tell. That is the good thing about being able to hear through the ceiling. Usually it's just a pain, but now it's a good thing.

It's starting to get late, though, and I am a little worried about him. After all that he's been through, this is really the last thing he needs.

I just can't believe this happened. It's impossible to process. It's terrifying and I cannot even begin to explain what it's like. I know Ma isn't gone, but it's like she is…

I'm going to go check on Da now. I don't know what I'm going to do after that, but I'll figure something out. I just need to be doing something. I feel boxed in how things are now. I feel like I can't do anything. I can't do anything to help Ma. That's the part I hate the most.


	15. Cross the Line

**September 25, 267**

_Midafternoon_

I think I've just done the one thing no one would ever expect me to do. I joined the Court of the Rogue. I'm still in shock – I never thought that I, of all people, would ever join the Rogue. It's just not done. Well, like this anyway. Phelan is a different story entirely. He had perfectly good reasons, but so do I. Honestly, the son of the King of Rogue and a Dog, formerly a Dog himself…it makes sense that I would end up in the Rogue. No one has probably ever seen this coming, and I'm having a hard time swallowing it, even though it was all my doing. A few days ago, I would have been ready to strangle anyone who suggested it. I'm not the same as I was then, though.

It was this afternoon when I started thinking about it. I spent most of the day trying to come up with things to do. Everyone was busy today, so I was on my own. And a tad bored, but that isn't a surprise at all.

Da and Aniki were up in her room working on a report when I finally had the courage to walk up there and talk to them about it. I think they're still shocked too, and it's been hours now.

The door was propped open when I walked down the hall, allowing their muffled voices to filter down the hall. I knocked on the door and both of them looked up from the paper Aniki was pointing at with an inked quill. Da's eyebrows rose.

"Is something wrong, Jarred?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No…" I said hesitantly. "But I had something I wanted to talk to you two about," I told them. Da's expression changed to one of confused concern.

"You haven't done anything, have you?" he asked. I was confused.

"I haven't done what?"

"Something to get yourself into trouble," Da prompted. I shrugged.

"Not that I know of," I said. "But with the Dogs as they are, I could be accused of dousing someone right now and I wouldn't even know it," I told him with a snort. He shook his head at me. Aniki laughed softly.

"What can we do for you, then?" he asked. "Or did you just not want to be stuck in your room with that constellation dog of yours?"

"Piper is asleep, thank you very much," I told him. "And actually, it was about the Rogue," I added. They both gave me strange looks. "What?"

"You want to join the Rogue?" Aniki asked. She'd seen right through me. As usual. Aniki has always been able to do that, and it's kind of irritating sometimes. Ma can do the same thing, too. Am I really that easy to read?

"Umm….yes?" I was still surprised that she had seen right through me. Da's expression changed to one of cool calculation as he looked at me. He rose and walked over to the window, where he stood for several long moments without saying anything. It wasn't until Aniki got up and walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder than he so much as moved but for breathing. He looked at her and their eyes met. After a moment, he sighed.

"This is not the life I would have chosen for you, Jarred," he told me. "But you can do what you want. You're old enough to make that choice by yourself, and your mother raised you with enough sense to know what you're doing. It's your choice, not mine. If you feel that joining the Rogue is your best option, then you may." I blinked at him for a moment. I hadn't expected it to go over that easily.

"Just like that?" I asked. Da shook his head.

"No. I want you to make sure this is what you want to do, son. Once you start on this road, you can't turn back. There will always be a taint that will prevent you from going back to the Dogs if you desire to go back to that life. You have to make a choice. It may not necessarily here and now, but a choice all the same. If you really want to do this, I won't stop you. But you need to be aware that this is not an easy path, and it will be even more difficult for you because you're my son, and your mother is a Dog," Da said. I nodded.

"I understand that. But the Dogs do not want me, and to be perfectly honest, I do not think I want to have anything to do with them at this point," I told them. "And I'm not interested in the trades. Ma once told me that the line between a Dog like her and the Rogue was a small one. The Rats may do things against the law, but a Rogue like Rosto the Piper always cared for the people of the Lower City, no matter what side of the law they were on. Because without a Rogue like that, the Lower City would be doomed," I added. Da turned to look at me, a strange look on his face.

"She said that?" he asked.

"Yes, she did." Da looked at Aniki, then back at me.

"It took me a long time to convince her that I convince her that just because we were the Rogue and the Terrier didn't mean a thing. She knew I cared, but I didn't know she thought that Corus would be doomed without someone like me around…" he said. "And she's seen me at my worst…"

"We all have, Rosto, other than Jarred," Aniki said. "Beka just loved you despite it." Da nodded.

"She did, didn't she? I got lucky there. I never thought that things would work out the way they did…" he said. Aniki gave him a hug.

"I know. But you're still here, and that's what counts," she reminded him. "Things weren't the same without you," she added. Da nodded absently as he continued to stare out the window.

"Still, Jarred, you need to know what you're getting into. The Court of the Rogue is not just the pickpockets, the foists, or the rushers. The Court of the Rogue is a bloody place, and it's not pretty most of the time," he told me. "You have to make sure this is what you want. And you have to be willing to follow all orders no matter what. Even if that means that you have someone else's blood on your hands. Do you understand me?" he asked, his voice colder and harsher than I had heard it before. "I can promise you, Jarred, this is not the life you think it is," he continued.

"I understand, Da," I replied. "It's still better than not being able to do anything. I can't just sit by and watch. These are as much my people as the Dogs are, and if they won't have me, I'll find some other way to make a difference," I told him.

"There is no turning back, Jarred," Da said quietly. He turned to look at me, his dark eyes hard and his face impassive. "Look at me and tell me what you see," he ordered. I frowned slightly.

"I see my father, the one who I never knew," I said quietly.

"Closer," Da demanded.

"A cove with graying blond hair, in his early forties, tall, still fit. Dark eyes, pale skin, scars on his hands, arms, and face; lines by his eyes and around his mouth, a silver earring in his left ear," I listed. Da's eyes narrowed slightly and he crossed his arms over his chest.

"No, Jarred, tell me what you _see_ ," he said. I frowned at him, unsure what he wanted. I didn't understand.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Da regarded me coolly.

"Look past the surface. What kind of person do you see in me?"

"I see my father, who I have fought with, but who has still been kind. I see someone who cares about his family – his wife, his son, his friends…" I said. Da shook his head.

"You see your father, Jarred. I am that, but I am also many other things. I'm Rosto the Piper, King of the Court of the Rogue. I am the King Rat. I have been gone for eighteen years, but the Court still respects me and I still have the power I had when I was just older than you," he told me. "I have done things that you don't even want to know, Jarred. I am probably one of the most dangerous people you ever have and ever will meet. And you don't even see that…" he trailed off, pursing his lips.

"Because I choose not to," I reminded him. He shrugged.

"You can't just choose to see people in just one aspect of who and what they are. You have to see all of it at once, analyze the danger, and react accordingly. I am the King of Thieves, and you chose not to see it just because I am your father. You can't let what you know about people keep you from seeing what they are. If I was standing over you with a dagger, you would not see me like that.

"There is a thin line between your personal life and your public life when you are part of the Court of the Rogue. The only way to keep something safe is to keep it a secret. That is why Beka and I did what we did, and why you never knew who I was no matter how many times you asked. You knew some of who your father was, and some of who Rosto the Piper was. There is just as thin a line between me as Rosto, and me as the Rogue.

"The Rogue cannot be kind like you say I am. He cannot be merciful when his opponents are trying to kill him. He has to deal the quick deciding blow to them, or they will kill him. You can't just see what you want to see if you're part of the Court of the Rogue. You have to make a choice, Jarred. Either you see what you want to see, or you see what you have to see," he finished. I stared at him for a few minutes.

"You see, Jarred, the world of the Rogue is very different than the Dogs and from what small part I've shown you. There is a much darker side to things than you've seen," Aniki added. I sighed.

"I know, Aniki. I've known that for years, since the day that I saw the first duel after I sneaked out of Ma's room after I'd figured out how to get the lock undone when I was about seven," I replied. She frowned at me.

"You were seven?" she asked, obviously somewhat surprised. I nodded.

"I figured out how to jimmy the lock when I was six, but I didn't see one of your duels until I was seven. You eviscerated the cove with your sword, I believe," I reminded her. Aniki blinked at me in surprise, then she turned to Da.

"Your son escaped the lock you put on Beka's door when he was six," she told him, looking a bit irritated. "And I couldn't even pick the blasted lock from the outside!" she added. Da laughed, shaking his head at her.

"That's not my fault. The point was to keep all of you lot out when you kept ruining everything, not keep everything – or anything – in," he told her. Aniki shot him a dirty look and rolled her eyes at him, obviously exasperated.

"You are not the least bit of help, Rosto," she snapped. Da just shrugged.

"Not my fault. I didn't raise him," he reminded her. She scowled, shaking her head though she didn't say anything more. Da grinned at her, his expression greatly changed from what it had been only moments ago. Aniki punched him playfully in the shoulder, and he laughed quietly. "You had more of a hand in it than I did," Da pointed out. Aniki nodded.

"I know, I know…"

"And you were probably the one who taught him to be such a smart-aleck, if I'm not mistaken."

"That was Phelan and your wife," Aniki told him dryly. Da raised an eyebrow.

"And why do I doubt that?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"You do realize that you've lost the conversation, right?" I inquired. Da and Aniki both glanced at me.

"We realize that," Da said. I shrugged.

"Just wanted to make sure you knew that, since this is a rather important discussion," I pointed out. Da nodded.

"I know. But you have to realize this, Jarred. If you do this, your whole world is going to be turned upside down. I won't do this if I were you," he replied. I watched him for a moment before shaking my head.

"But you're not me, Da," I pointed out. "My world has already been turned upside down. I would rather be doing something useful, something that I can make a difference at, instead of just sitting around here waiting for a verdict from someone who hates me already to tell me if I can go back the job that I loved. I never did anything wrong, and I never did anything they accused me of," I said. "It's not my fault, and I'm not doing anything more than most would. Phelan left the Dogs after Verene died," I pointed out. "So why shouldn't I do what he did when I've been kicked out?" I reasoned. "No one is ever allowed to walk a watch again after they've been put on probation. My career as a Dog is over, whether I like it or not." Da sighed.

"I can see that I am not going to convince you to do anything else, am I?" he said, shaking his head. "In that case, you're welcome, but there are a few rules, at the very least." I shrugged and nodded. It was no more than I had expected. And besides, just like the Dogs, there are rules to everything.

"All right," I prompted. "Start telling them to me."

"First, son, you and I cannot act as father and son out there. You will be a rusher, and I will be the Rogue. You must address me and Aniki as 'Your Majesty,' understood?" I nodded. "Good. I'll teach you how to use those knives more efficiently, and if you're good enough, maybe you can stay around the main Court here and not have to go to one of the other districts. Neither of us will show favoritism to you, Jarred."

"That's easy enough," I replied. Da and Aniki exchanged glances.

"And you're perfectly fine with all of this?" Aniki asked. I nodded again.

"Yep," I said with a shrug.

"You are one strange lad," Aniki said. "Most lads in your position wouldn't be caught dead doing this, you know," she pointed out.

"Your point?" I asked dryly. "I've made my choice. I don't belong with the Dogs anymore. I need to find my place, and the Rogue is where I can do the most and it's as much a part of me as being a Dog is."

"You're sure?" Da asked. "You won't be changing your mind about this?"

"No. This is my final decision. The Rogue is as much a part of my heritage as the Dogs are, and the Rogue is less discriminatory about who joins it. Not to mention, I might have a chance to bring down the person who attacked Ma," I pointed out. Da sighed again.

"Then so be it. I'll teach you how to be a rusher, but you're not to put any of that in your journal," he told me. "Anything else, I don't mind as long as I don't tell you not to put it in there."

"Fine. Just don't make a big deal about this," I countered. Da laughed.

"You're my son, so this is a big deal. You'll learn to get over it," he told me. I shook my head at him, rolling my eyes.

After that, he took me outside and we worked on the rusher training. Obviously, I'm not going to write it in here, but I don't think it was as hard as the Shang training I was going a while back…

It wasn't until we'd gone back inside after working in the courtyard and we had gone back to our respective rooms (and my sleeping puppy, who still wasn't awake. Mithros, that dog can sleep…) that I noticed something. The case that held the throwing knives that Da had given me for my birthday was still sitting on my desk. I smiled to myself and walked over to the case. I opened it, and looked down at the blades, each of which had its own sheath, all which were made of black leather. Obviously Ma had told Da about the fact that I like a good weapon when I can get my hands on one. These were beautifully weighted. Even I could tell that as I pulled on out. I have not gotten to use a whole lot of throwing knives or a wide variety of daggers, but these were nice.

I'm still wondering how Da could afford them. They're not Raven Armory craft, but they're obviously well made, particularly when they're not from the craftsmen at the Armory. What am I thinking? He's the Rogue, for Mithros' sake, and he's probably got as much coin at his disposal as Aniki has over the years.

Anyway, I thought about it for a moment, then picked up the case and headed back upstairs to Ma and Da's room, where Da was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. I knocked on the door and he pushed himself up, his eyes flying open.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Well, first I should point out that you shouldn't leave the door open like this when you're not paying attention," I told him. "And I was wondering if you'd teach me to use these properly," I added, holding up the case of knives. Da watched me for a moment, then sighed.

"I'm going to take a nap," he told me. "We can work on those after that if you wake me up about an hour or so before the Court starts," he continued. I nodded.

"Alright. I'll wake you up then," I said. Da closed his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair and leaned back. Then he opened one eye again.

"Do not sic your dog on me," he ordered, his voice every bit as firm as he could make it. "And shut the door behind you, would you?" he added. I chuckled.

"Of course, Da," I replied.

"Thank you," he said. I shut the door behind me and headed back downstairs to my room. I suppose I should probably go wake him up now, since the Court of the Rogue will be assembling not too long from now. And Piper is awake finally…oh joy…I'm going to have to feed her before we head out. But, then maybe she'll be good…I don't think Pounce wants to be chased again…


End file.
